Chapter 26: Power, Part Two: The Chill Camel

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Kim was standing in a courtyard in Dubai. There was a camel staring blankly at her and she wanted to punch its stupid face. She wanted to punch the camel so hard it sailed up into the air and flew out across the desert and broke its dumb face landing on a...a rock? Are there rocks in the desert? Whatever. It wasn’t really about the camel, she was just extremely upset about life.

She had been running around the world for days, setting up mission after mission in order to get this Azalea Grande chick a singing gig. She had promised a dozen different people a dozen different things, to the point that she could barely even remember what the hell she was even doing in Dubai, or where she was supposed to go next. Everything was terrible. 

She was tired. Not like not-enough-sleep tired, like done-with-life tired.

After leaving Punta Mita, Kim had decided to work backwards. Azalea wanted to be a singer and that was literally all Kim knew about her. So fine: she would line up a gig for Azalea, and then figure out how to connect the interim dots later. Like a puzzle: start with the straight lines. 

First things first, did Kim know anyone who worked in music?

YES SHE TOTALLY DID. The DJ from Chateau Nuit was totally her BFF since that night she’d made it rain K-Stars in the club, back in Chapter 22. What was his name. DJ Kay Games.

Kim flew to Las Vegas and found DJ Kay Games at Chateau Nuit. He was obviously very pleased to see Kim. She let him give her an Actual Hug. 

“I’ve got a friend who is trying to launch her singing career,” Kim said. “I wondered if she could perform a track with you here some night.”

“Of course!” DJ Kay Games said. “Is this anyone I’ve heard of?”

“Yeah no” Kim said, charming him. 

“Okay! Well, anything for you! Do me a favor and just clear it with the club promoter. He’s next door at the Miraggio. Tell him I’m on board and he’ll clear all the logistics.”

Kim gave DJ Kay Games a hug and 5 K-Stars and went next door to the Miraggio. She identified the promoter by the exclamation point near his face and quickly explained the situation. 

“Sounds great,” he said. “I’ll set everything and begin the promotions. But can you  do me a favor? 

“Sure, what.”

“I represent another DJ who has a big gig coming up. If you could make an appearance at the gig, just for a few hours, it would really help his career. And then I’d be happy to help with this, Gorilla Grande person.”

“Azalea. Sure, fine! Where’s the event.”

“The 10AX club, in Florence. You can meet him there now.”

Fine. Italy. Awesome. She flew to Florence. It was her first time visiting Italy. It looked exactly like she expected Italy to look. There was the Leaning Tower of Whatever in the background. Definitely Italy.

She found the 10AX club and went inside to talk to the manager. He was excited she’d be joining them but explained that the event was actually a co-promotion with the fashion designer Christian Sriracha. In order to be at the club she would need to meet him in person and and get a dress from his new collection.

Where was he? The villa outside town. 

FINE. Kim went to meet Christian Sriracha. He was younger than she was expecting and he seemed kind of fun but she had no time to hang so she charmed him as quickly as she could. He said Sure I have a ferosh dress for you, you just need to go to Paris to see the stylist.

Okay fast forward. The meeting with the stylist in Paris had led to two different meetings in Sydney, which had taken her to London, then back to Hollywood, for some reason? And now she was in Dubai. She had a hazy recollection of having agreed to go on a date with someone here, but she had asked a woman for directions to get to the place where her date was, and the woman had been like “I’ll tell you but first can you just donate a kidney to my dying child or whatever?” Kim stared at the woman for a moment and then threw her head back and screamed at the sky, as loud and long as she could.

Now she was just standing in the courtyard and trying to breathe and keep her brain from exploding and this camel was just staring at her. Kim did not know what to do. She was afraid to move from this spot. If she moved someone would talk to her, and if someone talked to her they would ask her for a favor. She was freaking out.

“What should I do, camel?” Kim asked. “Every person I’ve asked for help has wanted something in return.”

The camel said nothing. 

“This will never end. I’ll spend the rest of my life running around doing favors for people and never actually accomplishing anything.”

The camel said nothing. 

“I don’t even know this Azalea Grande person! Or care about her career! Why do I have to work so hard for someone I haven’t even met?”

The camel said nothing. 

“Is your zen-like demeanor supposed to teach me something? Am I trying too hard? Is there a more elegant solution to this challenge?”

The camel said nothing. 

“There is, isn’t there. Okay, thank you camel,” Kim said. “You’ve convinced me. I’m going to try something different. I’m going to call Ash and start over.”

A few minutes earlier Kim had wanted to punch the camel but now instead, she hugged it. A lightning bolt and a pile of money leapt out from its skin. 

“Awww, thank you camel. You’re my favorite,” Kim said, and she ran inside The Atlantean Hotel to call Ash. 

The camel said nothing. 

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