Chapter 41: Femme, Part Two

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Before Kim even began to process the fact that her binding spell had just been utterly defeated, she attacked, invoking the Knife emoji and launching a dozen knives at Other Kim’s face. 

Other Kim dismissed the attack with an eye-roll and the laziest of waves. The knives stopped in midair and fell to the ground, except one, which spun around 180 degrees and propelled itself back at Kim. It stopped at the last second, hovering just centimeters from her neck. At the same time, a tangled mass of vines had grown up out of the floor, wrapping themselves around Kim’s feet and legs, then continuing up around her arms and body, completely and utterly restraining her. She was unable to move or get away.

“So, I’m extremely aware of your little “my phone’s been acting weird” thing,” Other Kim said, using an annoying voice and air quotes. “So miss me with your pathetic attempts to wield the emoji. The power you’ve been toying with is beyond your control and you never should have had access to it in the first place.”

“Excuse me, I am a powerful witch!” Kim said. “You’re the one who’s pathetic. You will pay for what you did to Tiny Monkey!”

“OMG you are so fixated on that stupid monkey!” Other Kim said. “You think that’s all I’ve done to you? I’ve been manipulating your life since you got here. I’ve been seeing Dirk for weeks but put a spell on you so you wouldn’t notice why Willow hated you so much. I poisoned your drink in Miami so you’d lose the Illuminat deal to her. I put you on a date with Michelle so you’d learn about The Hack and get sent to Ambition. I sent The 3 Sisters to give you the impossible challenges. But you kept surprising me.”

“I did?”

“You kept NOT DYING. You kept leveling up, and had already developed friendships and powers that kept you from dying in Ambition, or becoming a hacked zombie riding the metro forever. You defeated my minion, Kellen Lux, the Vampire Economist. You solved the impossible challenges, despite them being IMPOSSIBLE. That’s when I realized there was something different about you.”

“THAT’S when you realized it?” Kim said. “I’m amazing, most people notice it right away.” 

“Shut up!” Other Kim said. “Normally people who come to Hollywood don’t know the first thing about magic. But you were different. You somehow already had powers when you got here, which screwed everything up, upsetting the natural balance of energy in this world. It threatened to destroy everything I had built here. That’s when I realized I didn’t need to kill you at all. You were worth more to me alive.”

“And that’s why you’ve been keeping me from reaching the A-list.”

“UGH YOU ARE SO SLOW,” Other Kim screamed. “There’s no spell keeping you from reaching the A-list! I’ve just been draining your powers faster than you can build them.”

“What? How?”

Other Kim smiled. “Through a spell I put on your stupid dog.”

“Callum Woof!?!? No!!!!” Kim cried.

“Ugh, whatever you call that gross ugly mutt. Every time you pet him, you get a little energy and money, but it’s just a distraction to keep you from noticing the spell. He’s a conduit, siphoning off your energy and power and delivering it directly to me. Thanks to you I’ve been growing more powerful than even I thought possible. In fact it’s worked so well that it’s given me a fantastic idea.”

“What kind of idea?” Kim said. “I feel like you’ve had enough ideas.”

“No more of this giving away energy and money and K-Stars and letting everyone become celebrities. I’m going to change Hollywood forever. Why should I have to smile and pretend I care about every dumb little E-lister who shows up at my door? I’m going to enslave everyone so that their money and energy all go directly to me. Every time they touch a fire hydrant or a skateboard or a bird I’ll steal their power. The people of Hollywood will weaken and suffer while I grow stronger and more powerful. I will no longer be the most important celebrity, I’ll be the only celebrity.”

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