Chapter 43: A Sort of Homecoming

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Kim was in Hollywood. The real Hollywood. She was standing outside a nightclub and there was a long line of people waiting to get inside. Real people, individuals, not just shadowy gray bodies. 

She looked around, at the buildings and the traffic and the lights and the night-time sky. The city seemed to stretch out forever in every direction. She didn’t realize how confined she’d felt in the other Hollywood. It was a revelation, the memory that a city could consist of more than 3 or 4 buildings. 

She was home, and she was thankful, and kind of emotional, and slightly overwhelmed. Everything felt different. But was home different, or was she? She would have time to unravel that soon enough. First she had one last mission to complete.

Kim walked towards the club, bypassing the line and the velvet rope and the bouncers. People began noticing her--at first they whispered, then they were pointing and smiling and yelling for her to pay attention to them. She had kind of missed this, the power she held in a world that wasn’t populated primarily with celebrities. The air around her crackled with energy. 

Inside, the club was heavy with throbbing electronica and sweaty bodies. She scanned the room, searching, until her eyes rose to the DJ booth. And there, DJing (actually just pushing play on an iTunes playlist), was Paris Hilton. 

Kim pushed through the dancers and climbed up to the booth. She didn’t want to yell or surprise Paris, but with all the noise there didn’t seem to be any other way.

“Paris!” Kim yelled.

Paris turned absently away from her laptop to see who was bothering her. Her eyes landed lazily on Kim, not registering anything. She turned away, then double-taked and turned back as her brain caught up to speed.

“YOU!” Paris yelled, taking out her phone. Her screen and her eyes both lit with flames. “What are you doing here? I banished you!”

“Umm I’m extremely powerful? And you banished me to my own game? They kind of love me there? But I don’t want to talk about that. I have something very important to tell you.”

“You think you can just show up here and ruin my DJ night?” Paris said. “Banishment was too good for you. I will destroy you! I will use your teeth as record needles and your spine as a hookah pipe.”

“Okay please chill with the drama?” Kim pleaded. “I don’t want to fight and I didn’t come here to ruin your DJ night. I came to apologize.”

For once, Paris was silent. She paused, eyeing Kim warily. 

“Look,” Kim continued. “I understand that you were angry about the character of Willow Pape in the game. But I’ve been through a lot. I got to know Willow, and now she’s a friend of mine. You and I were friends once. We can be friends again. I want to end this war between us. 

“WTH are you talking about?” Paris asked. “Willow’s a friend? Have you completely lost your mind? She’s a dumb character in a game, like what even is your deal.”

Kim felt her anger rising, to hear Willow spoken of that way. But she pressed her emotions back and continued. 

“Paris, it’s too complicated to explain. I apologize for my part in the negativity between us. But we are celebrities, and powerful witches, and we need to support each other. Our personal brands don’t have to depend on there being animosity between us” 

“What is this trickery?” Paris asked. “You can’t fool me. You are a terrible witch and your game is boring and you are SO not hot.”

“There’s no trickery, Paris. We need to set our grievances aside and think about the bigger picture. Who benefits from our battle? Not either one of us. We need to think about who does, and about what our ending this fight would cost someone else.”

Paris laughed. “It would cost you basically all your publicity and media attention, you talentless hack. I made you. Without me you’re nothing.”

“Okay that’s not even remotely factual and you’re kind of reaching the end of my patience here,” Kim said. “Can we please just agree to end this feud?”

“Oh I’ll end this feud all right,” Paris shouted, raising her phone. “I’ll end it FOREVER!” And she swiped her fingers across her screen, launching a terrifying volley of fireballs at Kim. 

Kim quickly tapped her screen and the energy from the fireballs was instantly converted into emoji - Sparking Heart and Party Popper and Confetti Ball. They floated harmlessly up over the crowd, making a fun, firework-y light show that made everyone in the club go Oooooh and Aaaaah.

“What was that?” Paris said, her eyes filled with panic. “Are those emojis? wtf wtf wtf you can do SPELLS with EMOJI?”

“I have leveled up,” Kim said simply. “I will ask you one more time. Put down your phone. End this war.”

“NEVER!” Paris screamed, shaking with furious rage. “I AM PARIS OF HOUSE HILTON, SWORN ENEMY OF THE KARDASHIANS, DESTROYER OF--”

“Okay whatever bye,” Kim said. “Have fun. I’d encourage you not to waste your time on the hack but we both know how lazy you are.” She swiped her fingers across her phone.

“Wait, wha--?” Paris asked, but before she could even complete the thought, she had disappeared. 

And that was the end of Paris Hilton. Not exactly how she had hoped it would turn out, but one way or the other, her mission was complete. 

Kim looked around and saw that everyone in the club was staring up at her, not 100% sure what they’d just witnessed.

Should she say something? Make some kind of emotional speech? Eh, screw it. She pushed play on iTunes and the music erupted again, and everyone screamed and cheered and went back to dancing. 

Kim put away her phone away and made her way through the crowd toward the exit. It was time to go home. Kanye and North were waiting for her and she wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of mission? level? whatever, with them. 

Also she wanted to get a new dog, like as soon as possible. She was going to name him Wagston Irwin. 

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