Home is where the heart is

Part 26- My Past

Ruby's POV

My eyes fluttered open. Normally when I woke up, my eyes were blinded by the early morning sun, shining over my face. But this time it was different. The room was pitch black; total darkness enveloped me. I turned to my right and looked at my clock which read 10:04pm. No wonder it was total darkness. I'd slept the rest of the day away.

I heard a noise from my stomach. A rumbling noise. I only then realised that I hadn't ate since breakfast since Zoe and I hadn't gotten round to lunch before everything happened. I knew i'd need to eat something otherwise I wouldn't have been able to get back to sleep. I was just hoping that Joe had decided to go to bed early. I really didn't want to be asked a load of questions. I couldn't be bothered in the slightest to answer them.

I tiptoed into the kitchen. Just as I was about to flick the light on myself, the one on the other side of the room flicked on. Know and behold, it was Joe. I went to turn around to leave.

"Ah, ah, ah" he said.

I faced him and groaned.

"We need to have a talk" he said.

I heard my stomach grumble.

"And whilst we're doing that, you'll have something to eat since you slept through dinner" he said.

"I don't wanna talk" I said, pleading.

"I know you don't but I need to know about what went on today, Ruby" Joe said.

I groaned.

"Ruby" he said, his tone sounding genuine. "This isn't for me to be nosy about your life. I need to know about this for not just my benefit but for yours too, ok?"

I gave up fighting away from it. I groaned and sat at the table. I watched Joe put a plate in the microwave that must have had my meal in. He set the timer and sat at the table across from me.

"So, Zoe told me today that you had a panic attack" he said.

I just nodded in reply. He already knew it, there was no point in me saying 'oh yeah Joe, I had a panic attack today'.

"I just want you to know, they're nothing to be ashamed of" he said.

I mentally groaned. I couldn't be bothered with this speech.

"I got told you and Jack had a little argument" Joe said. "Can you tell me what that was about?"

"Nothing" I mumbled.

Joe sighed.

"Ruby please" he practically begged.

I groaned loudly.

"Ruby..." Joe said.

I guess it was time to just get it over with.

"If I explain stuff, no talking, no questions" I said. "Not before, not during, and certainly not after"

"Ok" Joe said. "I won't say anything"

I took a deep breath.

"I've had panic attacks for years" I said. "I'm just a naturally anxious person. I don't like crowds. I don't like confined spaces. And even people quizzing me about stuff makes me anxious. Normally, my mum would be there to help me through them. But obviously, she no longer is"

Joe listened and nodded.

"When I don't have someone to help me through that, and when me anxiety is being tested, I lash out verbally" I explained. "Jack was keep quizzing me about my panic attacks when I was still really anxious; I couldn't help but lash out. So there. I get it. I'm a mess. An anxious mess"

Just then, the microwave pinged, indicating it was finished. Joe got up and got the plate. He brought over some macaroni and cheese and a fork.

"You're not a mess. I can promise you that" he said.

I gave Joe a death stare, giving that he talked when he said he wouldn't.

He held his hands up in surrender.

"Just saying" he said.

I looked down at my plate and moved the food around with my fork.

"It's fine" I mumbled.

Joe sat back down.

"Zoe suffers from anxiety too" Joe said.

That shocked me. How? She handled it so well when fans kept coming over to us.

"She's learning how to deal with it better" Joe continued. "But she still has really bad days with it. She's only human"

I slowly started eating.

"I'll explain to Jack why you shouted at him" he said.

"No!" I said, it coming out louder than I planned. "I don't want everyone to know about this"

"I'll make sure he keeps it to himself" Joe said.

I sighed and nodded.

"Ruby, i'm always gonna be here for you" Joe said. "Whether you're ready to bond or not, that won't stop me from looking out for you, ok?"

I looked down, not knowing how to reply to what he just said.

"I'll leave you to it" he said, standing up and tucking his chair in. "Just put the plate in the dishwasher when you're done, and remember to turn the light of. Night"

"Night" I mumbled so quietly that I wasn't even sure if he heard it.

Joe went to his room and closed his door.

That was the longest I'd ever talked to Joe for.

I actually opened up to him.

Maybe I can actually trust him?

End of part 26

A/N:

Hi guys! Well, until next time!

Rachel x