Since Summers

forty two : not since I met you

No, nothin' good starts in a getaway car
It was the best of times, the worst of crimes
I struck a match and blew your mind
But I didn't mean it, and you didn't see it
The ties were black, the lies were white
-

Taylor Swift, Getaway Car

RONAN

It was around four in the morning when we finally had enough. The sheet beneath us was a wrinkled mess. Our bodies touched, but we weren't really touching each other. Our breathing was in a similar state. Harsh and ragged. Just like the previous one and probably the next one, sex with Autumn had been amazing, and laying on the bed, my body felt both worn out and satisfied. It was one of the best feelings and it stayed that way until my eyes landed on three used condoms on the floor and the uneasiness started to creep in.

I shoved those thoughts, pushing them to the back of my mind yet they always managed to find their way back into my already troubled mind. "Autumn, what are we?" Those words left my mouth before I could not stop myself or process them.

"Hmm?"

Using my elbow, I pushed myself up so I could look at her. She was staring at the ceiling, and a bead of sweat slid down her jaw, down to her neck, and settled in the hollow of her throat. One hand was placed on her flat abdomen while the other palmed up against the bed by her thigh. "What are we?" I reiterated. This time with a louder and firm voice. I knew the risk. Any guy would call me stupid for asking this and ruin my chances of getting laid in the future. I knew this could ruin whatever moment we were currently having yet I had to know. If this was some other girl, I would not be laying here thinking about this but she was Autumn. The girl I had been crushing since that day I had seen her in Carlton High. She was someone I admired, worshipped, and adored so even though I enjoyed having sex with her, I needed to know that this meant something. Feck, I wanted this to mean something!

Her gaze slid to her left as she regarded me with a small smile. "What?"

"This." I motioned at our bodies, still naked and entangled between sheets. "What does this make us?"

The smile disappeared from her face and I could see her walls starting to rise. "Nothing," she finally said. And with a sigh, she pushed herself up to a sitting position and started to pick up her panties off the ground then wore them hastily. I watched her move to the side of the bed and retrieve her bra that hung over the bedlamp.

Despite the soreness of my back, I pushed myself up and leaned back on the head of the bed. Her answer confused the hell out of me. "Pardon?"

"I said nothing." At this point, she was already fully dressed and sitting on the chair while putting her heels on. "This makes no changes."

I did not know whether I should be pissed or hurt. Before I could find out or even make any comments, she rose to her feet and walked towards me. "Frazier, this has been amazing and all. You were --are-- really great in bed. Now I could understand why all girls are competing to get into your bed."

Hearing her talking about other girls made me feel like I was a man-whore. Maybe I was. I could not object to the fact that I had slept with many girls. I mean, I would have gone blind if I did not have sex for weeks let alone months. But still, this did not make me feel any better.