Since Summers

twenty two : rest

Ooh, and I wished you had hurt me harder than I hurt you
Ooh, and I wish you wouldn't wait for me but you always do
I've been hoping somebody loves you in the ways I couldn't
Somebody's taking care of all of the mess I've made
Someone you don't have to change
I've been hoping
Someone will love you, let me go
— Hailee Steinfeld, Alesso, Let Me Go

TYLER

"I know it's hard, man," said Mario as if he knew what was bugging my mind. Perhaps, he was the only person who truly did since he went through the same thing two years ago when he broke things off with Faith.

I tipped my head back and finished off my beer. "Do you still love her?" I asked just for the sake of putting my mind off the choices I had to make for a while, not because I was curious about his feelings for Faith. My eyes found him as I put the empty bottle carefully on the table next to his.

If Mario was surprised, he didn't show it on his face although his hands, which were trying to open his third beer, kept on failing in doing the task. "If I don't, I wouldn't bother to disturb you two yesterday."

I cocked my head to the side, pondering his words. I wondered if he was trying to tell me that he was jealous or if there was some other meaning in his sentence. I settled on the first. "Man, there's nothing going on between Faith and me. We're just friends."

Mario and I have bonded more these last few hours than we've ever been in the last three days. I wouldn't say I trusted the man with my life but I definitely valued his opinion. And it would be better if he knew that I wasn't going to be in his way should he ever decide to reconcile his relationship with Faith.

"No, I'm not worried about that." Mario shook his head and brought the beer he finally managed to open close to his lips. Once he took a drink, he continued to explain, "you're currently under the microscope, everything you do is reported back to the organization. They know your schedule better than you do and I just didn't want them to think that there's something going on between you and Faith."

He seemed to read the confusion on my face as he continued, "I heard from Nico that you've been spending time with her lately." When I was about to tell him that none of them was planned, that I met Faith by pure coincidence, he held one hand to stop me. "No, I'm not being jealous or whatever you think I am. There's nothing left between Faith and me. She will never forgive me for what I've done and I understand." Even though he said that with a voice full of confidence, as if he was truly believed it, yet there was a hint of sadness in his eyes. His head might believe it to be true but I knew his heart wished otherwise.

"I just don't want the organization thinks she might be someone they could use to keep you on the leash. I was hoping when they saw the three of us, they thought we were just friends having a good time." He grabbed his beer off the table and took a drink. "Nico, the one who was assigned to keep an eye on you, said that you didn't spend much time with your girlfriend. He said he saw your girl with the same dude a few times."

My body went perfectly still. Autumn with a guy? "Did he know who?" I didn't bother to hide the jealousy in my tone.

Mario shrugged. "If he did, he didn't say." I was about to press on the matter but Mario continued, "after all, you're his target. Not her. They want to study you, find weaknesses they could use against you in the future. In the end, all relationships are just a liability."

"Is that why you're always alone?"

I expected him to say something or even to get offended, instead he tipped his head back and laughed as if I just told him the funniest joke in the world. "No. I'm always alone because I don't want to get personal. I keep everyone at arm's length so I wouldn't have any liability."