1 - Not Tonight[Edited✅]

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Goals. Achievements. Something we all aspire to. It's something you should be proud of. Something you worked hard for. But there are fine things between every success, fine things that lead to it. The most important for me is decisions.

Every decision or choice you make, either leads to a victory or a loss. With me it always seems to end up in a loss.

Trust me, I've taken up great decisions in life. And there are some that I am proud of taking. Others, I'm just not so sure.

I can't say that I regret making them but I do wish that I could've done something different to avoid ever getting to that horrible place, you know?

The people and feelings around one plays a big role too. It's all about the pressure and hope that they have or give to you. But then again...it was just me. And yet...I considered her.

Why? Because I love her. Deep, deep down I know she felt the same. But would she make that sacrifice for me? Would she give up everything, for me?

I always thought that the biggest decision I ever had to make was choosing between junk food and dessert.

Turns out, that that was not the biggest decision I could've made. No. What is the biggest decision I ever had to make? That will not be revealed. For now.

But for now let's take a peak into my happily ever after fairytale life......

As in every other happily ever after, the princess has two best friends. Mine are Jessica and Kaitlyn.

I'm closer to Kaitlyn than I am to Jessica. They are both brunettes and has brown eyes but they aren't related in any way.

Every Friday, we go out clubbing or sleep in. I on the other hand, don't stay for long or get drunk. Why? Because I have to get home. And tonight is no different.

"Oh come ooooooon. Can't you stay just this one night?" Kate slurs, putting up her index finger in front of my face.

I put it down, "Sorry. Not this time Katy. Maybe next time."

She pouts as her head lulls sideways, "You said that the last time. And the last. And the last. And the....last."

I sigh, "I know Kate. But I gotta get home. She needs me."

"Yeah." Jess pipes in, "She needs her." then her head snaps back to the front as she pukes her guts out.

I gag internally but cringe my face. I turn to a dissatisfied Kate, "I swear to god I'll sleep over next time. I have to go."

I hug a very drunk Kate and reach to hug Jesse but then rethink my decision, "Jess, I'll just hug you tomorrow. Bye guys and behave!"

Jess waves me off as she starts puking again. Just how much did she drink?

I hug my waist as I walk home,hugging my jacket closer to me. The soft but cold wind rushes past me and I shiver. It's a really beautiful night, only its cold and the area isn't that nice.

I take note of the guys surrounding a fire to keep themselves warm as I walk home. I notice the family of four all snuggled up on the sidewalk, their backs rested against an old warehouse. They are seated close to each other,shivering but silent. Their heads are dropped and they don't even have a fire to keep them warm. My heart leaps out in sorrow to them.

It's just like that on this part of town. We people are too poor to even afford light.

This Friday, Jesse and Kate decided they're going to go to a club. They forcefully dragged me along and tried to get me drunk but I refused every drink. Then we went to a bar and I had to watch as they grind on each other and every grimy man. Horrible experience. Trust me.

And guess what else? I was and am still dressed in a sweatpants, a tank top and a jacket. Cool outfit for a night at the club and bar hey?

Anyways. I snap out of my thoughts when I hear the usual screaming of our neighbors. They always seem to be fighting. Verbally at least.

There's a lot of crime in this town. People in this town are are made of steel. They abuse, pilfer, make fools of themselves. They are furious, stubborn and unhappy with the world. It's what poverty turned them into.

You may notice that I'm speaking in the second person's point of view. That's because I don't consider myself as one of them. The big difference between them and I, is that I'm not ashamed to admit that I have heart. I have feelings. I have love.

It was a happy town once upon a time. When dad was alive. He provided for everyone. He wasn't the mayor or anything, just some guy living in a house, providing for everyone out there.

My eyes latch onto the smooth wooden door. Our house is one of the only decent houses in this town. People respected dad and I guess, that's why they haven't tried to break in or anything.

The white paint that layers the walls make the house seem ordinary. Of course there are bits and pieces of it peeling off. The door is wooden and brown, it's smooth surface brushing lightly against the palm of my hand as I open the door quietly. Just in case she's sleeping. I cringe at the creak that the door makes.

I step lightly onto the wooden floor and take off my sneakers. I tiptoe through the hallway and put my shoes in my room. It's about midnight so she should be home by now.

I exit my room then enter the one opposite mine. The room seems so small and dark. The walls are painted a deep and dark shade of red. The floor is wooden and the lamp isn't that bright. Of course our electricity bills are going up.

I sigh as I take a look at her. She has her right hand rested under her head and her other stretched out above her head. Her blond hair is a mess and her eyelids hide her amazing Hazel orbs.

Her skin glistens in the little light that brightens the room. She makes it no secret that she goes clubbing every night, drinks like a fish and sniffs and smokes her drugs like its her oxygen.

That's my mother for you. I stare at her. Her leg lifts and she moans in her sleep. I do that a lot. The moaning part. As she does that, her skimpy little dress shifts up further.

There is now doubt that my mother is beautiful. She has a pear figure and blond hair. Her hazel eyes used to shine bright once but now they're filled with sadness.

I walk over to her and take off her three inch red heels. I put it on the shoe shelf then I throw a blanket over her lightly. "I love you Ma."

I kiss her forehead then exit. This is what happens most nights. The other nights when this doesn't happen, she isn't here. She's getting laid somewhere.

My mother is an incredible woman. She just doesn't know it yet,she has been broken,just like me but she will survive. She has to.

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