When my alarm went off in the morning, I wanted to cry. Sitting up in bed, I reached over to turn it off, knowing It was pointless to even bother hitting that snooze button. I had to stop going out on nights that I had to work the next morning, it's just too hard to get up early the next day.
After starting the coffee, I stood in the shower smiling, remembering my date with Mike. He had taken me to dinner and then we met up with a few of his friends at the bar they would be playing on Friday night. They were just a little local band, but there was definitely something about Mike. He was charismatic and ambitious, but slightly narcissistic. Basically, he reminded me of a certain someone else. Mike was actually a few years younger than me, and perhaps a little immature, but he definitely had potential. He just wasn't for me.
Thankfully, I didn't drink, but I did stay out later than I planned. I forced a smile on my face and had fun with Mike, even though I felt guilty about the way I treated Jared. I knew that in a way he kind of deserved it, but my dating Mike had nothing to do with revenge. It was about me trying to give him the freedom that he so obviously wanted, while still being in his life. This was what I believed he wanted from the beginning. I've heard it said that your worst battle is between what you know and what you feel, and it couldn't be more true to my situation. I wanted to punish him, to make him feel the way he made me feel when he betrayed me, but I also knew I couldn't continue this way much longer. I had developed feelings for this guy, and even if it meant nothing to him, it did to me.
I was starting to feel like that person with the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. The angel reasoning with me that the other night with Jared really meant something, it wasn't just sex. He already admitted to having feelings for me and I knew how I felt. Then there was the little devil, who constantly reminded me of just how stupid he made me feel by fucking my best friend. So, why shouldn't I date Mike?
After a busy morning accompanying Luke to an interview, followed by a photo shoot, we ended up at his agent's office. I stepped outside to return a few of my missed calls, all of which were work related, except for one. I stared at Jared's name and immediately called him back.
He answered on the first ring, as if he had been waiting for my call. "I'm sorry to bother you, I know you're probably busy, but I was just thinking that maybe we should talk later." He paused for a second before continuing. "You know, if you don't have another date or anything."
Pacing back and forth on the sidewalk, I grinned, happy that my little lesson seemed to have seeped into his thick skull. He was definitely thinking about me. "Yes, we should talk. I actually have no plans for the evening, so if you'd like to come by, I'll be home soon. How is six for you?" I was glad that he called, I needed to hear his voice, and we did need to have a talk, preferably one that didn't end with him exiting angrily.
"It's fine, I'll see you then." He was really short and I was certain that he had seen the error of his ways. Surely he would apologize yet again and finally say that he wanted more than just a fuck buddy. I ended the call, my heart soared at the thought of his body pressed against mine.
I knew that I had calls to return for Luke, but there was no way that I could possibly focus after talking to Jared. Opening the office door, I sat in the waiting room and stared out the window. Nearly fifteen minutes passed and Luke stuck his head out the door. "Jen, you can go if you want, I'm going to be a while longer and Veronica can swing by on her way home to get me."
I gave him a grin of pure satisfaction. "Works for me. Just call if you need anything." I picked up my bag and raced out to my car. I already had the evening planned out in my head. I would stop and pick up some food, then rush home and jump into the shower. I had to look damn good tonight. Unfortunately, the first thing I saw when finally I turned into the apartment complex was Jared's truck. I parked and he got out, slowly walking toward me. "You're late."
"Sorry, I hope you're hungry."
"I'll take that." He carried my laptop and the takeout and followed me up the steps. "How was your date?" Before I could respond, he put the bags down on the table and stared at me. "I'm sorry." He said, putting his hand up and closing his eyes. "That's none of my business. Look, I understand that you want to see other people, I don't blame you after what I did. Hell, I don't really deserve another chance anyway." His eyes wandered around the room before finally settling on mine. "I don't have to like it, but I understand." Great, this was going perfectly! I watched him closely, listening to his words and taking notice of the scowl on his face. He sat on the couch, mulling the fucked up situation over. "Did you sleep with him?"
Last night was our first date! "That's none of your business. I sleep with who I want, when I want." He tilted his head to the side as he stared at me and I could see that he wasn't happy.
"Do I need to remind you that you slept with me after meeting me in the lobby of that hotel in Nevada?"
Bitterness was rising like bile at the back of my throat. "That was different and you know it!"
He hung his head, knowing he was wrong for saying it. " I'm sorry." He apologized and shuffled across the room, coming to a stop in front of me. "I know that was different. Look, this isn't easy for me." His hands gripped my shoulders and his thumbs grazed over the dark spots on my neck, the ones that he made. "I just assumed that you felt the same way about me that I do about you."
"And how is that?" I asked, not even trying to mask the anger in my words.
"I told you, I have feelings for you."
"You can't even say it! Well, I have feelings too Jared, I have feelings for my elderly landlady, who spent last Christmas all alone, or what about the homeless man I slip cash to every so often. That's such a broad statement and I don't know what to think. I can't stand the idea of one minute being so important to you, and the next I'm shoved to the background. The constant back and forth is making me crazy."
He refused to look me in the eye and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "I don't do committed relationships Jennifer."
What happened? I was so sure he'd see things my way after I allowed him to believe I slept with Mike. When he didn't, he forced me into continuing with the original plan. "Fine, then I suppose you will have to accept what I'm offering, friendship. A 'friend' that you don't have to explain anything to. A friend that doesn't care who you fuck." I hid the disappointment behind the mask I put on. "We're friends, right? We can hang out and have lunch, go shopping, or you could just come over and fuck me." I slid my arms around his neck. "I don't have to meet your mother and you don't have to meet mine," my lips brushed against his as I spoke. "but.. you will NOT make me feel guilty about who I choose to have sex with." I pressed my lips to his and then backed away. I walked across the room and pulled the hair from my hair. "Hungry?"
"Sure." He followed me to the kitchen and leaned against the countertop, watching me prepare a big bowl of salad to go with for the take out.
I picked up the bowl, ready to carry it to the table, but when I turned around, he wrapped his arms around me. His scent flooded my senses and his lips brushed mine, fiery, passionate, and demanding. God, I wish I could have pulled away before I lost myself, but I couldn't. I couldn't think straight and my heart was fluttering madly in my chest.
