unfinished snippets

I run

I run to feel.
I run, I run and I run and I run. I run with angry music blaring in my ears, my legs pumper faster and faster and faster, waiting for my lungs to pop out of my chest. For my stomach to come out my throat.
Surely this is better than crying alone in the middle of the night.
I run to forget.
The sky drizzles down on me, my skin is wet with dew. I look up, wondering why God made me the way I am. Why he made any of us.
I wonder why he made this guy incapable of letting people love him, or help him. I wonder why he made selfishness, and greed. Arrogance. I wonder why humans were gifted with all three.
I continue running, even though my calves are starting to seize and my heart feels like it's about to explode. I keep going anyway.
It's better than staying still, I think. When I'm still I'm antsy, my brain starts to waste away, and I think too much. I live in my head.
I run to remember.
I run and I listen to songs that make me think about the two seconds I was happy with him. I think about how maybe if the timing was different, we would've worked out. I remember that someone once told me, if it's the right person, the timing doesn't matter. I wonder if they were full of absolute shit.
I run to feel, and forget, and remember, all at once.