unfinished snippets

observant

She was sitting on the floor, watching the others get completely caught up in themselves. There was one who was standing, bouncing on the balls of her feet and rocking her head side to side as loud music drowned out everything else. There was another, slouching in the shadows, his eyes closed and his hands held out, as if he was reaching for something but he didn't quite know what it was yet.

The girl looked over to a space only occupied by one; a tall girl who always wore a smile in front of others yet she couldn't help thinking there was something more there. Everybody goes through something, she thought, watching the girl sway back and forth. She noted that her eyes were squeezed shut like she was trying to forget something.

After the trance had been broken the girl mentally scolded herself; people are not just animals for you to pick apart, stupid. They are more than lifeless beings encased and trapped in their own minds. They think complex thoughts, and are not just emotional entertainment for you to analyze.

Moments later she sighed. She really didn't know why she was being so hard on herself. Perhaps she thought insults, as they were so jarringly familiar, would ground her, because for the past year she had almost felt like she was floating all the time. Always physically there but never mentally present. It had gotten to the point were she was afraid to close her eyes because she wasn't sure what would be there if she opened them again. Would she still be in real life? or would she be sitting cross-legged in the middle of an endless black space, where nothing would register in her senses, and it didn't really feel like she was anywhere?

She was doing everything she could to stabilize herself but for some reason she couldn't stop shaking. It was unclear to her whether or not there was an earthquake on the floor underneath her or merely one in her head, where it currently felt like the towers of her mind were being destroyed by a faceless virus overtaking everything inside her. She was scared if it went on much longer she would be empty, a shell of who she used to be.

Soon she would become the girl who worshipped the feeling of being hollow.