unfinished snippets

box

I remember when I used to be able to keep my feelings in a box. I never had to worry about them, because they were locked away. No one could touch them. And, while this was an affective way to keep myself from getting hurt, there was a downside. I simply couldn't feel anything.

I was numb, numb from my fingers to my toes, from the core of my being, to underneath my skin. There was nothing. No anger, no sadness, certainly no happiness--just nothing.

I was okay with this for a while, because it was just me, and I didn't really have anyone. But in past years, the people around me have been growing. Each year there's more--more friends, more family, more everything. And these people feel. They feel... happiness. And anger, and sadness, and everything. They have emotions.

So I've decided that I need to learn to feel again. I need to learn how to feel again. I've been on this journey for a while, and I've stumbled and fallen, but I'm growing. I've been happier than ever recently, and because simply feeling anything is good for me, happiness is a whole other level. It's the goal, the big dream.

But now I can say every day, hey! I can feel everything! Before, all of my emotions were trapped within myself, just waiting to be let out, and now everything's out in the open. People can see my smiles, my laughs, my tears. They can see my vulnerability, and for once I don't mind that they're able to.

Being numb is so overrated. I've realized that belonging somewhere, and feeling like you belong somewhere is so much better.

4/8/2018