unfinished snippets

but inside of me, there's a sign that reads, no vacancy

 It's late and I should be asleep (like always) but I'm here. I am here trying to find the words to say how devastated I would be to find out that your heart is already taken, like I have with so many before you. I'll admit, I've become paranoid since that whole fiasco went down involving several miscommunicated glances and hurtful words; I've learned that you never can be too careful these days, especially with matters concerning the heart.

 Every time I see you I get overwhelmed with flashes of a life that we could have together, if only my circumstances were different, or if I wasn't such a chicken and told you how I felt. Or... if you told me how you felt. Wouldn't that be something.

 In these glimpses of a possible future I see you and I going to the movies and you grasping my hand in the dark, squeezing it when you get scared, which I know for a fact you do. It's strange, because in my mind these things have already happened. I guess misplacing reality for a false one is just part of my personality at this point.

 But we were happy, you and me together like it was always meant to be. At least that's how it was in the dream; in reality it hasn't always been that way. Heaven knows I've gotten side tracked along the road.

 But something about you always caught my eye. Maybe it was the way you carried yourself, like you knew you were different but you couldn't care less, or your insanely curly hair that I've been drawn to since the day we met. It's a shame that you've trimmed it down so much now.

 Never the less, it's you now, and I'm going to try and make it so it's only you all the time in my heart. He's nothing more than a nagging thought in the back of my mind, and if he isn't, I'll make sure he knows his place.

 Anyways, back to the point I was trying to make several paragraphs ago. If you had anyone else in your heart instead of me I would be heartbroken. I see your social media where you have no shortage of friends. Female friends. And I always wonder. I know it really shouldn't matter, but the questions stick in my mind like glue, and every time your gaze isn't focused on me, I jump to the conclusion that you're mentally somewhere else. Looking at someone else.

 Just like he was.

 title: no vacancy // nightly