unfinished snippets

Tell me it can't be true

I'm not supposed to write about you. But I already broke that rule. Why not break another one? Instead of writing about you, and romanticizing you and your stupid existence, I'll write to you, and hopefully kill some of these feelings that keep bubbling up in my chest.
First off, you look like a turtle. I've definitely said this before. I'm not sure why, but you just look like you live in a shell. You especially resemble a turtle when you stick your chin and neck out (usually when you're mocking someone). Yeah.
Next, you have the most juvenile sense of humor in the world. Half the jokes you tell no one laughs at and no one gets.
You're a perverted teen age boy who only thinks about himself. You make gross jokes that frankly are off-putting and gross.
You make fun of girls who aren't your girlfriend and you make me feel like absolute crap for no reason. Maybe for some twisted reason you enjoy watching me be emotionally wrecked. Plus, you've managed to make me cry a couple of times. But I'd never let you know that because OBVIOUSLY I have no emotions and you can just say whatever to me. Sure, I can take it.
But other times you're almost sweet. And it's super disconcerting because I don't know who you truly are. I want to believe that you're a good person, I really do, but your alter ego is some prideful dickwad dude who disrespects everyone.
There's so many reasons why I should walk away. Why I should get over you. Yet, for some reason I can't. Maybe it's because there's history there. History that makes me hopeful.
Or maybe it's because you're the only person that's made me feel like this.
Did you know that I remember every moment that we've had together? It's embarrassing to say, but I try to write everything you say to me down so that I don't forget who you are. Or should I'd say, who you were.
That's fright, I remember every. Single. Freaking. Moment.
I try to block out the bad ones but it's getting harder and harder to forget vulgar words and harsh tones. I still try, though. I cover them up with light, happy memories of you being sweet or looking at me with eyes shining bright.
Like I said, there's a million reasons why I should walk away, but I don't even know if I can.
Shit, am I in love with you?

1:45 am