Beautiful Lies - Shawn Mendes

23. Fallin All In You

Still, we're changing our minds here
Be yours, be my dear
So close with you on my lips
Touch noses, feeling your breath

Kissing Sofia would be something I would never get used to. Feeling her warm, inviting lips on my skin, was more intoxicating than any drug. Being intimate with Sofia was never just about an act of lust, but rather as a confirmation of my feelings for her, and appreciating her, which so many, stupidly, hadn't before. We hadn't had sex yet. The sexual tension sometimes nearly killed me off, but I'd wait as long as she wanted, even if it was years, because I was falling so hard for her, and not the things we could do together.

Push your heart and pull away, yeah
Be my summer in a winter day love
I can't see one thing wrong
Between the both of us

I knew that things couldn't be as perfect as they were now, for much longer. The day would come where we'd part ways, promising to remain in touch, but as soon as she found out exactly who I was, the defences I had broken down, would be back up in an instant. And even if I was wrong for not telling the whole truth, the way we both felt about each other, and when we were together was the exact opposite.

Be mine, be mine, yeah
Anytime, anytime

All I wanted to do, was make sure that Sofia knew how amazing she was. And I would continue to do so as long as she let me. My dad told me that when he met my mum, he knew, he just knew, it was this feeling in his heart, that he couldn't explain, and I always wondered how you'd just know. But now I do. And it's not something you can put into words. But all I knew, was that I would always belong Sofia.

Ooh, you know I've been alone for quite a while
haven't I? I thought I knew it all
Found love but I was wrong
More times than enough

Being on the road, playing sold-out concerts and making music, virtually took up every single spare second in my life, and finding love when you're in my industry is so difficult. There's always the nagging worry that someone is with you for bragging rights, or for fame, or money, when I didn't want that at all. I wanted someone to like me for me. A man, still obsessed with Harry Potter, who loves coffee, and adores his family, and who watches Grey's Anatomy and cries at all the sad episodes.

But since you came along
I'm thinking baby
You are bringing out a different kind of me

I'd never found it so easy to be myself and honest around anyone before, except for my family. It usually took a while for me to truly open up, in fear of my trust being broken, which I had learnt about from experience, but with Sofia, it was almost instant.

There's no safety net that's underneath, I'm free

For once in my life, this relationship was purely on my terms, and my terms only.

Falling all in
You fell for men who weren't how they appeared, yeah

Sofia didn't know the honest truth about who I was, and I knew that it'd hurt her. Badly. And that's the least thing, that I ever intended. I was selfish, for wanting a chance to be a normal me, but then the person I cared about most, would get hurt, because of my actions.

Trapped up on a tightrope now we're here, we're free

For now, we could just be us. And I would always cherish that, because no matter who I met, none, would ever come close to Sofia.

Falling all in you

I finished singing the final line, and looked up from my guitar, which I had become engrossed in, as I poured out my true, honest feelings that came straight from my heart.

Sofia, sat in front of me, her eyes spilling over slightly with tears. The largest beam spread wide across her face, and she quickly wiped a stray tear, and moved over to me, closing the little distance between us, and wrapped her arms around my chest.

My arms instinctively wrapped themselves around her shoulders, a shield from the real world that would soon find us; and I planted soft, small kisses in her hair, as I rubbed gentle circles with my thumb on her back.

She pulled away, happiness radiating from every inch of her face, and she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She leaned forward and placed a kiss on my lips, a confirmation that my intense feelings, were reciprocated. And in that moment, I couldn't have been any happier. I wished I could just freeze time, so that I could relive this moment over, and over.

'You know Mendes, I've never had someone write me a song before.' Sofia, smugly smiled , resting her forehead against my own, her palm cupping my cheek.

'Who said anything about the song being about you?' I smirked.

And she laughed. Her beautiful, mesmerising, laugh, that I could never get enough of, and it was then, in that moment. That I knew I loved her.

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AN - I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to update, I've been away with school to Berlin and struggled to get WiFi, and I've been trying to juggle schoolwork with choir, which is a feat in itself, but we got through it!! currently on the bus on the way to London for a drama trip (vvv lucky girl) and thought in the free time I had, I'd update. I've honestly loved writing this chapter, and I hope you love it as much as I do. I NEED a Shawn Mendes, damn, why don't they sell them in Argos?? Anyway, hope you're all okay, please vote and comment if you enjoyed!! Feedback is always greatly appreciated :)