Discoveries ✔ (Divergent Fourtris Fanfiction)

Chapter 64: Friday, 6 days after initiation

So after all the suspence, angst and cliffhangers, you deserve this chapter that'll leave you feeling warm and happy... Enjoy! It's chapter 64 ;-).

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Tris

A nightmare wakes me up early in the morning. Dawn hasn't even begun to light the day, but I can't find back into sleep. Sleep should be peaceful, but it betrayed me yet again. It doesn't seem to betray Tobias, though. His breathing is calm and deep, I have to concentrate to hear him despite the otherwise absolute silence.

I turn onto my side to be able to look at Tobias' silhouette. He looks so relaxed again. The contrast to his earlier temper couldn't be any bigger.

"I'm sorry. I was also aware of the danger you were in, all of us were in. I wanted to keep you safe," I say, but my apology seems like a drop of oil added to a small fire that's been smoldering underneath his surface and now starts to really burn.

"To keep me safe? To keep me safe?" he shouts. He strides over to me and stops right before me, trapping me between himself and the wall. His arms on my left and right are like a cage he builds around me, as if I would try to run from him any moment.  "What you've done was dangerously stupid! You could easily have gotten yourself killed!"

"I was trying to be brave, to be Dauntless. My brother's life was threatened, too," I try to explain, but the moment I say them, I realize how weak my words sound. I know Tobias is right, I really put my life in danger, and I'd never do what I've done today again without agreeing on a plan with him first. I acted on an impulse and blended out my Erudite side almost completely. My different aptitudes should be an advantage.

I hate the tears that form in my eyes. They make it seem as if I was the one thinking to deserve compassion when in reality it's Tobias. He's showing me every emotion, there's nothing he's holding back, and I endure his outburst, knowing I deserve his anger.

"I don't care about your brother, I care about you! You can't go and make such decisions all on your own, not anymore. Tris, we're together, you need to think about us, too. I want you to think of the consequences your actions have on us, on me. I can't lose you. Now that I've found the one person that brings light into my life, I can't lose you. Fuck, Tris, I was worried sick today. I'd rather die fighting against Jeanine with you than living in a world without you!"

His left hand slaps against the wall beside my head. I'm not afraid of him, he'd never hurt me, but I'm scared of how deeply I've hurt him.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I didn't think of it that way. I didn't want you to risk your life by coming with me. I didn't feel like I was worth it."

"Like you're not worth it? I told you that I love you! It wasn't a lie. I love you, Tris!"

He still loves me! His confession lifts an invisible weight off my heart.

"I didn't realize how big that love was until now. I can't do anything else besides saying how sorry I am. I should have talked to you first. But I didn't want to put you in danger. I love you, too, and it wasn't a lie either. I trusted you to rescue me."

"Shit!", he exclaims, hitting the innocent wall beside me again. "But what if I hadn't?"

That's something I don't even want to think about.

"But you have! And now we have a future together! In a better Dauntless that we can help to build."

"There almost wouldn't have been a future for us at all!"