Chapter 8: Monday, 12 days until initiation

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Tris

I wake up at dawn. It takes me a while until I know where I am: My own apartment. I smile, even if I'm usually not the smiling type in the morning. I remember falling asleep in Tobias' arms last night and look around me sleepily, just to be instantly disappointed when I realize he's not here anymore. Although I didn't plan on him to stay the night, now I wish he had.

I look out the window at the sun rising slowly above the horizon far away. The city is bathed in soft orange light. It's the first time I slept a whole night without being woken up by either my own or other initiate's nightmares. Whether it has to do with being on my own again or with Tobias being beside me as I glided off into sleep I'm not sure. I suppose both of it add to the effect.

Judging by the light outside it must still be early. I lay back and snuggle into the cushions. I can smell a hint of Tobias on the fabric and it brings back memories of last night.

My heart beats in anticipation when Tobias unlocks the door to my new apartment saying, "Welcome home." He lets me go in first and I take everything in: It's one simple rectangular room, its walls freshly painted in shimmery gray and one in dark blue. The color reminds me of the night sky. Only the stars are missing. Opposite the blue wall is a wide window that offers a majestic view of Chicago. The skyline of crumbling buildings is breathtaking in its dilapidated beauty. I smile when I spot the ferries wheel in the far distance on the right. Then I focus back on the room.

Right beneath the window is a wide bed where two people can easily find space to sleep in. It's decorated with quite an amount of small pillows piled up against the wall. I wonder if Tobias placed them there to make it look more inviting. On the far wall are a cupboard, a shelf and a dresser. A door on the right leads to the bathroom. On my right, and separated from the living area by a counter, is a small kitchen area. A black table and four chairs offer to sit down and have a meal. A blue figure is decorated in the middle of the table. I wonder where it comes from and what its meaning is. It seems oddly out of place in Dauntless, so it probably isn't originally from here. On the other side of the counter is a black sofa. It looks older, but it's still in good shape.

"Wow, that's much more than I expected. Everything looks great. And the view is absolutely stunning! Thank you," I breathe out and hug Tobias. Surely some features in this apartment are here especially for me.

I invite him to sit on my couch and am surprised to find there is some food and drinks in the fridge. Fortunately there's no alcohol, though. I think I'm done with that after last night. I spent most of today in bed and every time I opened my eyes the dorm was spinning around. It got better after taking some pills Christina forced me to swallow. I'm embarrassed to talk about it. In the back of my brain I'm afraid Tobias might get angry at me. Surprisingly, he doesn't, and I don't question it any further when he says it happens to all the Dauntless initiates.

Instead of lecturing me he pulls me to his side and I lay my head on his shoulder. It's as if it belonged there. I can feel Tobias relax and notice how his breathing slows down.

While we sit in silence, I gaze around my apartment again. I think I'll be able to make it my home. My eyes linger on the bed and the pile of cushions as I remember the rather racy kisses we shared in his bed yesterday and my thoughts become incoherent. I want to do that again. But I don't want more than kissing, for now.

I could just ask him to move over to the bed with me. I think he would want to. Wouldn't he? What else does he want? Will he lose interest in me if I refuse to go further?

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