Chapter 17: Friday, 8 days until initiation

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Tobias

Walking home towards my apartment, I notice how tired I really am. I know Tris has training this morning, as the simulations were scheduled to the afternoon because of my night shift. At least I'll get to sleep a couple of hours. I don't even switch on the lights once I'm home. I take off my jacket and put it on the silver hook on the wall, then kick off my shoes. The floor feels cold beneath my feet as I walk into the kitchen and fill a glass with water from the tap. I gulp it down fast. My mind was so occupied all night I forgot to drink. I fill another glass and take it over to the bed with me. Only then I see the small figure lying under my quilt.

Tris has made use of the key I left her and now she's here, sleeping peacefully in my bed. I take a cushion and sit down on it on the floor to watch her features in the darkness. I wonder if she's dreaming behind her closed eyelids. Her chest is rises and falls in a steady rhythm. Watching Tris calms my mind the longer I sit beside her.

After a while, I get up again. I'm tired and I need sleep, too. I put the empty glass down beside the bed, then take off my sweatshirt and socks.

"Hey," Tris' sleepy voice says timidly.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up," I whisper softly.

"What time is it?"

"About half past six, I think. You still have time to sleep some more."

"I hope you aren't angry at me for coming here. I just found your key and then spent an hour staring down at it in my hands until I decided to come here."

Her head rests on her hand now. I sit down on the edge of my bed and stroke some loose hair out of her face gently.

"No. No, I'm not angry. Not anymore. I tried to find you yesterday to talk to you — and now I find you here, in my bed. It's a good surprise." Her mouth turns into a relieved smile. "I wanted to apologize to you for my reaction at your simulation. I never asked you how Christina found out about us, and it was unfair to use this information against you when I got it from watching your sim."

"I was going to tell you afterwards. There just wasn't enough time before. And I didn't consider that you could find it out because of a stupid simulation. I didn't want you to learn about it like that, and I'm sorry that you did. You know, when Christina and I talked after our run outside with you, she had already figured out most of it herself. And I swear she's trustworthy. She promised me not to tell anyone."

"She promised me, too. I ran into her yesterday."

"So you talked to her?" Tris looks surprised.

"Just briefly, in the hallway. And I don't know what exactly you told her about me, but she said something about me being able to be nice," I recall the astonishment written all over Christina's face, "so I assume you haven't spoken too badly about me."

"Of course not. But I needed someone to talk to about my fear, so I more or less confided to her what was in the simulation. And after she had left, I couldn't calm down enough to be able to fall asleep, so I sneaked up on the roof and spent an hour there, gazing at the sky and the city, and after that, I felt better."

She's been to the roof, alone? I want to scold her, really, for putting herself at risk like that, without anyone even knowing where she was. But I swallow it down, not wanting to start another fight, and beside that, I feel guilty myself that she felt the necessity to go there.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"Well, you're there for me now."

"Do you want to talk about what happened in the simulation?"

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