NEON

25. Dear Mom.

WRITERS BLOCK IS KILLING ME! Song for this chapter would be Not About Angels by Birdy

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*One Week Later*

Kaplan.

"No I don't want Roses, Hannah liked Lilies." My dad said over the phone. He was pacing back and forth in the kitchen, practically shouting at the person on the other end of the phone.

I waited at the door, wanting him to look at me and put whoever it is on the phone on hold. I waited for him to look at me and see that I wanted to talk to him.

But he didn't.

I sighed and walked back into the living room. He wanted me to talk to him and yet . . .

I walk passed the living room couch and up the stairs to my room. If he won't listen to me and Cyrus is at school, then I will have to resort to writing.

I suck at writing dammit.

I tap the pen on the paper for about an hour, thinking of anything to put. I wanted to explain my thoughts and describe what I felt but the page remained blank. I honestly feel like that's exactly how to describe it.

I'm confused as to what to feel about my situation.

First my mother acts like she will always be here, then she leaves, she doesn't make contact for thirteen years, then calls me to promise me she is coming back here the night before she dies.

My phone call with her seemed so long ago.

"Mom?"

"Didn't your father tell you? I am gonna come back. I am going to be right by your side."

"Really?"

"I want my family back. I want to see my beautiful baby grow up. I will see you grow up. I promise I will."

"I miss you mommy."

"I miss you too. I love you so much Kaplan. But it's time I go now."

The more I think about what she said the more it sounds like her accident was on purpose.

She will see us, she will watch us grow. Even though it sounds INCREDIBLY creepy and stalker-like, she made it sound so natural.

She made it sound like she was already on her way over here from wherever she was. But she could've meant dying.

Before I knew it, my fingers gripped the pen and my hand was already guiding me to write.

Dear mom,

It's been a while since we last talked, it's been a while since we last saw you. I never really understood why that was actually, dad told us you were just gone for a while. I waited for you to come back. I waited for your sky blue Prius to park in the driveway. I waited for your freshly manicured nails to tap on the window, trying to rid the birds from chewing on the tomatoes in your garden. I miss that ugly yellow scarf you took with you everywhere and I waited to see it clung to your body when you came home. I waited to come downstairs and smell fresh coffee brewing. I waited to hear you sing 'The Way You Look Tonight' while making breakfast on the weekends. I waited for you to come home and tell dad, Abby, and me about your day at work. I waited for a goodnight kiss when the day was over, and you tucking me in with a kiss on the forehead, telling me how much you love me. Instead I got a birthday card a week after my actual birthday, signed 'Love Mom' and dad showing me the official documents declaring that you and dad are divorced. I saw the paper that you signed that gave away your rights as a mother and that you gave dad full custody of Cyrus and me. Do you even know Cyrus? Have you heard anything about her? She is amazing. She is a brilliant young girl and I know that she wishes every day that you could see her achieve as many things as she has achieved. I know that she wishes that because I wish it too. The only difference being, I don't have the burning curiosity in my stomach, asking me questions about you that will never get answered. You didn't even stay long enough to know her. You know, I'm actually glad you didn't stay and that she has no memories of you. If she did, this entire thing would be more painful on her than it will ever be on any of us. You had no right to leave us. You had no right to leave dad, you gave an oath to him and you vowed to always work through it. You completely gave up. I never realised it before but I have been mad at dad this whole time, thinking he was the one that gave up, but I have come to terms that you were the one that gave up on him. I hated him for so long, growing up thinking he was going to push me away like he did you, but I'm not going to grow up to be like you. I love my father and I love you mom, but I can't forgive what you have done to us. I promised dad that we would be fine without and we are. I won't break that promise. Telling dad 'we are fine' will be the last breath I take before entering my own world.

I love you mom,

Kaplan.

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i'm ok *crying*