Heart Strings <3 ~Complete

Heart Strings Chapter Nineteen

‘What are you looking at?’ I didn’t answer. ‘Who was on the phone?’ she asked instead.

‘Dad.’ I shoved my hands deep into my jeans pockets. ‘He wants to know if I can come over for Christmas.’  Mum was silent but her eyes were narrowing. ‘Please mum. I want to see dad and Jewel.’ And Rosie, but saying that to mum would totally seal the no that was forming on her lips. She wouldn’t look at me. Instead she turned around and placed the cup in the sink. ‘Mum,’ I prompted.

‘No,’ she said quietly.

My hands balled up into fists as anger boiled up inside me. She was being so selfish. As usual. ‘Why? I haven’t been with dad for Christmas at all yet!’

‘You were with him for Easter.’

‘Big deal! I’m with you every other fucking day!’ Mum’s lips practically disappeared.

‘Don’t use that language with me!’

‘I wouldn’t know what it even meant if it wasn’t for you,’ I shouted.  

‘You are not going Nathan, and you will listen to me!’ she shouted back, reaching into the pocket of her bathrobe for a cigarette. Her only source of comfort.

‘Give me one good reason,’ I challenged.

‘Because I’ll be alone! And that Rosie can fucking cook for your dad anyway. How am I supposed to eat? Do you want me to starve?’

‘Those are your reasons?’ I laughed. It sounded hollow.

‘I don’t give a damn what you say, you can’t go and that’s final,’ mum hissed, lighting up the cigarette and balancing it tenderly in between her lips.

‘I’m not a baby anymore mum, I can make my own decisions, dad would give me a choice-’ Her eyes narrowed to slits.

‘Well if your father’s so fucking brilliant why don’t you go live with him? Get off my hands!’ she shouted, accidentally letting the cigarette drop from her lips. We both looked at it for a moment, the burning embers still slightly lit and dancing excitedly against the tiled floor before she crushed it under her slippers. ‘Go to your room. I don’t want to see you.’ Mum was quiet, but her voice was full of anger.

I wanted to break something. I had never wanted to destroy something so badly. Crush it in my hands. I had never wanted to shut her out so much. I turned on my heel and strode straight to my room, slamming the door behind me. I spent ages in there. I slept for a bit, did my homework, played the guitar...

About two hours later I heard the phone ring, remembering I’d promised dad that I’d ring him back. Cursing, I made my way to the hallway. Mum had already picked up the phone and was talking intently with whoever was on the other line. I backtracked into my room and waited behind the door. Half an hour later I heard my name being called from the kitchen.

As I left my room I was greeted with the smell of something good.

In the kitchen Mum was bent down, pulling something out of the oven. ‘Mum...?’ I asked, afraid I was seeing things. She got up and turned to face me, a shepherd’s pie in her hands. She was smiling hesitantly; I stared at her in confusion and disbelief. It looked so foreign on her thin, weary face.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said gently.

This time I was definite I was hearing things. It may sound cheesy and exaggerated, but after they’d separated, I’d never heard mum say the word ‘sorry’ except when she was saying how sorry she was that she’d ever even met dad.