Hidden Behind Everything Happy

Something Unseen; Love

We never had an amazing amount of luck, our family. My Mother's twin died at birth, then she'd met my drunk dumb ass father, then my gran had died, then my mother had had me soon after losing her ability to have any more children, and now it was my turn... unlucky much.

But I didn't mind so much anymore, sure I'd been resigned to the fact that I'd had three months to live at the maximum, and I'd lost all hope of living past that as my illness got worse. But that was just my fate; I had no choice in my destiny. And thinking that way really helped me to come to grips with my death. My ever approaching imminent death.

I'd seen Riley with Imogen snogging and cursed that he would cheat on Sophie again, I even regretted forcing them back together. But when I was gone I needed her to be with someone who she loved, even if the guy she loved was a total douche-bag.

"Boo!" A familiar voice sounded behind me, I smiled as the nurse asked me how I was feeling. It was my plain Jane nurse, smart but not all that great to look at, but almsot unbearably kind and understanding taking me at face value even on my very worst days.

"I've just come to check your drip and reattach your heart monitor" I liked the way she told me everything before doing it. It was a lot less stressful to know when to lie still and when to move towards her etc...

I nodded and let her do so.

"There was someone hear earlier, a man with a bottle in his hand" I dreaded the day my father would come to 'visit' me in hospital. I'd expected it though, especially seeing as my mum had told him she wanted him to move out by the end of the month, and that the divorce papers would be coming through any day now.

"Yeah, that's my father. He's a dick-weed" She laughed, a proper hearty laugh that made me think of daffodils and poppy's and summer smiles. She had pretty eyes when she laughed and her whole face seemed to light up. It was nice to have one person to talk to when in times of crisis. Even if she wasn't Sophie.

"I agree, coming in here shouting the odds and throwing punches at the nurses. Its no wonder the police arrested him really" She gave me a little wink and plugged my heart monitor back into my chest. I couldn't believe he'd finally  be punished for what he'd done to me. And my mum; he deserved punishment.

When she left I thought about what Sophie might be doing right now, whether she'd thought about me since my sudden disappearance from the world. I didn't even keep my phone on me anymore, there was no point in talking to the people that would soon be taken away from me. It would be easier for them to let me fade away until I was just a distant memory. Then they could move on; Sophie could move on.

"You do know you turning up like that at your friends house was really rude" I bit my bottom lip hard to stop anymore retaliations from coming out at him. I knew I was being jealous and bitchy but my emotions seemed to be running away with me. I was feeling touchy and upset all at once.

"Yes I do know that, thanks for pointing that out" That was a mellow reply for me, I thought. He blew out a puff of warm air and I watched as his back tensed and he banged his hand against the tabletop making me jump. The idea of Nicky being angry at me sent chills down my spine.

"Why are you being such a little bitch all of a sudden, you've never been jealous before! I wouldn't have slept with you if I'd known you would change into this!" I wanted to retaliate, I wanted to yell at him and hit out. But I couldn't do it, if he wished it hadn't happened then it damn well never happened.

"Ha thats rich, anytime I mentioned Riley's name you pretty much shut down until I changed subject!" I felt that mellow was a bit overated in situations like this....

"That's different!" He slammed his hand down on the counter and for a brief second something flashed in those sweet eyes that made me back up. Then I felt guilty, how could I be scared of Nicky? Then I saw it dissipate and something new overtook that already powerful emotion. He felt guilty too, and I knew what question he was asking himself; how could I scare Sophie?