Hidden Behind Everything Happy

Prom Shopping From Hell

"Get the dress out of the window, put it on me, if it doesn't fit go and find me another one. I'm getting a damn dress today" I said feeling heat rising my body. He was such a dick sometimes, if he didn't like it, didn't want me to go alone maybe he should of suggested to by himself a ticket. Even though I had one for him, but he didn't know that.  

It took literally fifteen seconds for the frightened shop clerk to grab the dress of the mannequin and shove it and me into a dressing room, she followed me in.  

I pulled off my top and skirt, held up my arms as she pulled the tent down over my head. I looked at it, the mirror was an illusion, it had to be. It made me smaller, thinner, bigger busted and more boob and bum; the perfect hourglass.  

It was turquoise, covered in sparkles and exactly the kind of dress the most popular girl at school is expected to wear. I looked at myself in the mirror, it wasn't very me. It was very, how do I out this, big-fat-gypsy-gross-wedding-of-horror. It looked so different on the mannequin, where it had been pinned and sprayed with glitter to sparkle in the outdoors sunlight. I had loved and wanted it for such a long time, it was Riley's favourite colour, it would match his eyes and he'd look amazing in a blue tie. But it didn't look right, I looked fake, it looked boring and the same as every other spoilt sweet sixteen year old prom queen wannabe. I didn't want that.  

I pulled it off and chucked it at the shop clerk, she looked really confused and upset by my treatment of her. I felt a little bad, but I didn't have time to feel guilty about some woman I didn't know or care about, I was in an argument with my boyfriend, I had nobody to actually talk to about it, my mum and I weren't on the best of terms, and my dad was dead. At that moment, I felt really alone.  

"Whoa, what's going on I didn't even get to see you in your dress!" Imogen whined pitifully and smiled like she enjoyed being a whiny cry baby.  

"It is not my dress!" I said watching the woman putting it back in the window scornfully. How dare it not be perfect? It looked lovely, I wanted and cherished the idea of wearing it but it wasn't right, it wasn't good enough. 

Or maybe I wasn't good enough.  

Maybe I was finally realising just how much I was acting in my life, at school I pretended to be the strong head of all the girls, with the best wardrobe, killer style, amazing sense of humour and the best heir. But that wasn't me! Even at home, I would be the completely pissed off typical teenager with an attitude problem because I had no other way of conveying how I felt. And nobody to talk to, especially not now I had lost my Riles.  

So excuse me if I was kicking up a fuss, when my supposed best-friend-she-beast was trying to get her claws into my man before I even broke up with him, or him with me.  

"I'm going for a walk. I'll see you tomorrow" I said feeling disheartened and leaving a very miffed Imogen stood like an idiot in the midst of all the shoppers with her mouth hanging open.  

I didn't care.  

She could stay and stare at the back of my head all day if she wanted.  

I picked up my phone to check I had no messages, I saw the time and was surprised to find that it was now twelve forty, I was going to have to walk five miles or catch the bus at three. Pfft.  

"Brilliant, just fucking brilliant" I walked into the main square of the shopping centre, there was a big glass dome over the top that was lifted open in hot days like today. The weather made the world look so beautiful and happy, loving the way my private world was raining.  

So, now I was lonely, depressed and bored out of my head. And to top it all off I didn't have my prom dress. So wonderful.