Not What it Seems | BTS x Reader | Reverse Harem

Chapter 27 - We Aren't Friends

"And for your information a couple of the boys have asked me, and you know what? I might just say yes.'

"Oh." At least on the outside, Namjoon seemed indifferent to this. If he was bothered by this, he did a terrific job of hiding it. " That's great. I just didn't want you going alone, so.."

"Okay, I'm going to stop you right there."

"But I mean it, honestly. I care abou-"

"How much clearer do you want me to make this?!" I pinched the bridge of my nose, taking a deep breath as I did.

Looking up, I saw an indecipherable emotion on his face. It was a mosaic of frustration, sadness, exasperation, and regret. His eyes reflecting his hurt soul, he was begging me for mercy. To stop pushing him further away, but I didn't care. He needed to hear what I wanted to say. Moreover, I needed to say what I needed to say.

"Namjoon, I'll say this once, and once only. We aren't friends. And we aren't dating. In fact you were the one that made that very clear." My expression stoic, I said the words slowly and clearly. Making sure he didn't miss a thing I said."Our deal was over the minute you brought Jihye back into your life and you decided that you didn't need me."

"Y/N, that's not fair!" Namjoon was insulted. His voice echoed along the narrow hallway, at this point he didn't care who was listening. "To me you're more th-"

"No, none of that!" I felt tears pool in my eyes as the tension bubbled; my voice matching his. I knew I had hurt him, but he had hurt me. And I wasn't going to give him a chance to defend himself. "We're not doing this right now!"

"Yes, we are!" This time Namjoon was the one flared up. His face muscles were tense, and his arms gesturing harshly to match his annoyance. "I don't give a rat's ass about-"

"Me? Oh, you've made that very clear."

"Y/N, can you just let me finish?" He had extended his hand as he said this, almost as if he wanted a handshake.

"No, big boy, you let me finish. You don't get a say with how things go anymore. It was always up to you whether or not I could even talk to you. Who do you think you are? The queen?! Why is it that you needed to compare me to Jihye? My tears hurt more.. what does that even mean?!" I looked at him incredulously.

Throughout my rant Namjoon had been sternly looking at me, even though my eyes had been darting everywhere but at him. I didnt dare, fearing I'd immediately forgive him and tell him to forget everything. Seeing him there reminded me of quickly I would often let his sins go. Bringing myself to stare at his amazing, bright eyes, I wanted to see how he was reacting to this. But when our vision met, his tense, defensive eyebrows softened. His mouth opened to speak but his throat was clenched, failing him once again. Ashamed, he looked away towards the big doors that led to Bang PD's office. It was him who had forgiven me

"Does that mean that if Jihye wasn't around, you wouldn't have a clue about how you feel about me?" I continued completely resolute. I had a procrastinated opportunity to tell him how I really felt, and I didn't want to miss it. "Because for me.. I do. I know deep down in my heart how I feel. Regardless of who's in the picture."

"Y/N, please-"

"So.. no. I don't want go with you, and no, we aren't like that."

"Y/N I just want to go back to how things were.." he mumbled softly in that low voice of his. And yet strangely, I could hear every word, every consonant.

Hearing him say out loud exactly what I wanted to hear was exhilarating. He felt the same way I did, and I was relieved. Atleast I knew that he still cared. But he didn't get it, he doesn't understand, and he never will.

"Its too late sunbae," my sudden use of formal honorifics caught him off guard. I didnt want anything to do with him anymore, and speaking to him unfamiliarly was a start. "..you chose her. You chose Jihye."

"Please, can we.. can we just be okay?"

"No. No we can't. We're not okay, sunbae. And that.. that's on you." I stormed off past him, bumping his shoulder harshly as I did. I had to leave, and I had to do it quick, because if I had looked at his pathetic face any longer, I would have kissed him then and there, and I would have held him and told him that everything was going to be okay. But they weren't.

This is for the best. I assured myself unconvincingly.

I can't spell it out for him, it's never gonna be that simple. I came as close as I could to it, and yet he still couldn't understand me.

"With all the intimacy, someone's bound to get hurt, right?"

We were doomed from the start. I knew, and yet I still fell for it. Fell for him. Now I'm sure: I was the biggest fool of all.

-

Highly unedited! 📵📵📵

Plenty of #angst as usual. Hope you enjoyed these updates my lovelies!

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