Not What it Seems | BTS x Reader | Reverse Harem

Chapter 9 - A Letter Never Sent

"So who's Ji Hye?"

Jungkook stiffened as I sat down next to him on the ride back to Seoul. His shoulder was tense and you could clearly see how uncomfortable he was, both with my proximity and the question I just threw at him.

"How do you know who she is?" He soflty spoke without looking at me.

I gasped as he pulled me back towards him. He moved his arms around me from behind and rested his head on my shoulder.

"Please, Ji Hye.." He breathed. ".. stay."

I sighed, thinking about how much pain was behind Namjoon's words as he desperately begged me to stay with him.

"I think.. Namjoon sunbae.. He thought I was her last night.."

"Last night? So you guys are together!" the maknae's eyes widened. Surprisingly his voice was still low despite his obvious excitement.

"SHUSHHHHH!" I immediately covered his mouth with my hands, hoping no one heard him. "Not too loud!"

I removed my hands after I heard his muffled 'ok'.

"Sorry sunbae, I don't want people knowing I was with him last night," wary, I looked around the bus. Everyone else was either on their phones, listening to music, or asleep, minding their own business. " we're not together."

"Don't call me sunbae," he said curling his eyebrows. "Aren't you older than me?"

"Oppa then?" I asked, not knowing what else to call my 'senior' at BigHit entertainment.

"Ugh no! Even worse!" His face scrunched up in mock disgust. "The name's Jungkook, Jungkook is fine."

"Okay, well I don't know.. After what happened in the infirmary, I had a sense that it wasn't me that Namjoon sunbae wanted to kiss. And then last night, he called me Ji Hye, and asked me not leave 'again' so.."

"So you spent the night with him?" He teased with a cheeky smile revealing his perfectly lined up teeth.

"Not like that! We just slept."

"So you slept with- HEY!" I smacked the maknae across the arm before he could finish his sentence.

He was starting to get on my nerves. I had to use every bit of my patience and convince myself not to walk away. I needed answers.

"He was crying, begging me.. umm Ji Hye.. to stay," I remembered Namjoon's desperate face and a pang shot through me. "What was I supposed to do?"

After a lengthy pause, Jungkook opened his mouth to speak.

"She was his first love."

Looking out the window, Jungkook's voice was somber, different from his earlier teasing tone .

"They've been friends ever since they were kids, and they spent all their free time with each other. Every time hyung had even just 5 minutes to spare in between rehearsals or composing, he would call her or go find her. You should've seen how happy he was everytime they spoke.."

"Oh." was honestly all I could muster.
I felt a tinge of jealousy knowing a girl was ever that close to him. I felt even worse thinking about how much Namjoon always wanted to see her.

"So what happened?"

"I'm not sure, she just.. left."

Jungkook's expression was strained.

"That's when Monnie hyung started spiralling. He was never the same after that. He still has days when he'd be so hung up about it, and nights when he'd drink away the darkness."

"Like last night.." I whispered.

"I heard that the lyrics to 'Spring Day' is actually from a letter he never sent her." Chimed in the figure towering above us.

"What? How do you even know that?" Jungkook looked up in disbelief, as Taehyung leaned over our seats.

I didn't even notice he was sitting behind us this entire time. His deep brown eyes looked down at me, wide  with curiousity and concern.

"I heard from Hoseokie hyung, or was it Yoongi hyung?"

Fading them out, I reached for my earphones.

I miss you.

Slowly, I closed my eyes as the song started playing in my ears.

When I say I miss you, I miss you more.
When I see pictures of you, I miss you too.

It all made sense.

Time is too cruel. I hate us.

Why I felt like it wasn't me he wanted.

I hate you. You left, but there isn't a day I ever forgot about you.

Why I felt tears as we kissed the night before.

I miss you more than I can bear, but I have to forget you now.
Because forgetting you hurts less than hating you.

Why he refused to let me leave.

How long do I have to wait?
How many sleepless nights?
How much do I have to miss you?

And why he said those words to me.

As our bus pierces through the snow, with 'Spring Day' playing on repeat, I become engulfed in Namjoon's sleepless thoughts, and slowly, fell deeper into the despair he's dealt with everyday.