Agust D : Min Yoongi x Reader

21. Abodement

abodement  

an omen; a foretelling  

"This is a lot"

You knew it was. You knew this was hard on him.

Just before you would dip your feet into the cold sea, you pushed him to sit down, and he did, with a curious look on his face. You sat down next to him, shoulder to shoulder.

"Thank you for telling me this" you spoke softly

"You're making me feel like a child"

"That's cute, considering you didn't have time to be a child; it's cute that you still resemble a child, even if it's like this"

He didn't say anything, he just stared at the water with a distant look, his arms wrapping around his knees.

"I can always kill you, worst case scenario"

"Listen, those jokes are funny but you're crazy, so please Yoongi, let's not"

He laughed that genuine laugh of his and you smiled a little. It felt impossible to forgive him. He felt like heaven, taking the place of something evil.

"You never continued"

"Uh huh?"

"You took over Mr. M's legacy, then what?"

You weren't ready for it to end.

"Oh. Um, well, you mean like, what was it like?"

"Yeah. I mean, it must've been difficult at first"

Obviously he was still shying you away from things, and you didn't want to overstep. It could make things worse.

"It was" he nodded, averting his eyes to you now "Even with all my training I was still very new to it. I was still getting used to all that control. I didn't dare do anything big for like months; I was terrified of making a mistake. I was like, barely twenty; you can imagine what that looked like"

You figured, venturing into some chit-chat was better worth than sitting in thick silence. And it helped. It was a distraction from the days events.

"Insanely good looking Yoongi but a bit yoonger? I assume every girl's not-so-dry dream"

He snorted and shook his head.

"I was so skinny back then, good thing there's no pictures, or at least I didn't save the pictures. You'd definitely take back what you just said"

"I bet I wouldn't"

"I had legs like a girl"

"I mean you still have pretty legs, let's not lie to each other"

"Can't deny truth"

It felt wrong to laugh, but when he laughed, you couldn't help but laugh with him.

"This wasn't so terrible...was it. Talking about yourself. Actually being close to me"

"Oh it was terrible. You just made it bearable"

"Oh yeah?"

He gave a heavy sigh, covering his face.

"Sometimes I just- I'm sorry. I wish I could give you more, I wish I wasn't fucked up, I wish I could give you the life you really deserve-"

"You know I only ever want you"

It was so easy. It was just so easy to let those words roll off your tongue. It was so dreadfully easy to let yourself go with him.

"Who did you date?" you said with a smile, wanting to lighten the mood "Give me a good laugh, who were you with before me?"

"No one" he turned his head to look at you again, placing his chin in the palm of his hand "I told you, I slept around a lot, yeah, but I'd forget their names the morning after. The closest one I could compare to you was Noemie"

"Sexy name, what was she like?"

"Incredibly boring" Yoongi laughed "But, she was my first"

"It's almost impossible to imagine you as a virgin"

"Oh believe it baby, I was as stupid as they come when it came to girls"

"Why past tense?"

"Ha ha" he made a face, and you smiled victoriously "She was one of Mr. M's workers, an innocent looking girl with glasses you would never suspect smuggling drugs across borders"

"Oh wow"

"Mr. M really had an empire. Shame you couldn't see it" he was drifting back into himself and you did everything to keep him at bay, at the beach with you, instead of pulling back into his darkness

"Continue your story"

"Oh, yes, Noemie. We were together for a few weeks. Then she broke up with me because I was too young. I didn't really care, I was just happy I wasn't a virgin anymore. A hormonal boy, what more can I say?"

He held your hand gently whilst watching the waves splash the shore, something in the back of his throat preparing to come out, like a bad cough that he was building all night.

"Everything I've ever said to you aside Y/N. We're here, at this beach, now, I'm...going to be honest, serious. No jokes, no filters, just something that...fuck. Something that should be said, yeah?" he was really struggling "You can do whatever you want. You can leave me. You can stay with me. You can sue me for money. You can literally, do whatever you want. I won't be angry at you; I won't hold anything against you. I'll understand whatever you want to do. I hope you'll do the same and equally understand me, in whatever sort of future for us is to come"

He talked like this to his business partners. You pondered for a moment, did he really think, you didn't know him? Well, you didn't. And you also did.

It was complicated.

That was the worst thing a relationship could be.

"I'll make sure you're protected"

"No one's ever truly safe Yoongi" you looked at him "Let's not lie to one another"

"You know you're safe with me-"

You didn't stop him, he stopped himself. He stopped himself mid-sentence, realizing his hypocrisy.

"God, you're so handsome" you whispered, tying his tie for him

"And you're so beautiful" he smiled

"Yoongi?"

"Yeah princess"

"I think I love you"

"I love you. I think. I think that there is a part of me that loves you. I mean, I need you. That's practically love, right?"

Conflicting in emotions, you didn't say anything. You didn't want to spend another night with him, knowing it was all a lie. But the way his eyes devoured you in the starry night, to the backdrop of the sea, you couldn't go another day without him.