Blood Stains and Burn Marks

Chapter 1

I don't remember much about the night I wand up here at River Inn Mental Ward. To be honest I don't remember much at all. Between spending my nights being paid for love, drinking or get high, my brain has lost its ability to remember just about anything. I do however remember the way my mother's eyes would light up when she spoke, as if the world was so beautiful, and she wanted to take in everything it had to offer before she died. I remember the way my sister would sing to me at night when I couldn't sleep. Her voice was ever so lovely. I also remember the way my father would take my sister and me out to the old lake after supper each and every night, skipping pebbles across the water. I remember those things, but those are the things I wish I forgot most.

"Devena?" I glance up to see a women, maybe in her mid thirties looking back at me. "Hi, I'm Mrs. Clarke. Nice to meet you." She offers me her hand but I coldly turn my body the other way. This is the 7th therapist they've sent to me in the last 2 weeks. I guess I'm still too much of a handful. I don't want to be here. I don't want to act like I'm okay. Because I'm not. I'm far from it actually. But I can deal with it on my own. And I sure as hell don't need some stiff with her white lace gloves trying to mend the broken. "So I've heard you're a lot of trouble locked away in a tiny body." I slightly look up, as she reaches into her purse and pulls out a recorder. She places it on the table beside her. "I've also heard you've had quite the handful of therapist young lady. Its a shame that some people give up so easily on the most beautifulest things." I look up, wondering what she meant. And as if she read my mind she began to speak again. "You see Miss. Winters, the most beautifulest things in life are always the most damaged. And people throw them away because they'd rather just have something ordinary, than spend time fixing something beautiful. You, Devena, are beautiful." A large breath escapes my lips.

"If I'm so beautiful, than why did all of this happen to me?" She looks at the ground, tears filling her eyes. She takes a long pause before she answers.

"Because the worst things in life, come free to us."

***

I make my way to the cafeteria. Many people fill the tables, yet I sit alone every single day. I've been told this place either makes you or breaks you. I suppose that's true seeing as already several people have died this week. Mainly suicides or overdoses. They were giving antidepressants to this one girl and she seemed to be getting better. So they left her alone to take her pills. Figured she was okay. Little did they know that she was saving them all up to overdose. She died last night. I heard her die. And it sounded like the happiest thing that ever happened in her life. Like all her prays had been answered. Like the weight that had been pressed against her lungs was finally released and she could breath. Why couldn't I be so lucky?

I grab a bagel and some eggs and head for a empty table. I look around the cafeteria. There's the odd boy but its mainly filled with girls. It makes me sad looking around the room. You can tell the anorexics from the cutters. The burners from the bone breakers. The scratchers from the skin pickers. And the hair pullers from the bitters. We each have our own distinct look. Normal people wouldn't see it but we're different. We see it everyday. We know what to look for, mainly because its us ourselves. You can tell by the way they walk or their personality. We all know we have problems, just none of use want to admit it.

As I eat my bagel I watch the people around me. The ones who pick at their food clearly have some sort of eating disorder. The ones who don't, face another battle. Maybe mentally, maybe physically. But in the end we're all the same. Dealing with the same devils, just playing a different game.