Blood Stains and Burn Marks

Chapter 5

As I predicted Hunter died last night. He didn't even get to see the sun rise. It's sad in a way but he's definitely in a better place now. I'd trade spots with him any day. I turn over to see Tate looking back at me. I know that in a matter of hours they'll move him into Hunter's bunk and he'll be gone. Leaving me by myself once again. Tate's green eyes shine from even this far away. He sits on the floor, back pressed against the wall. He gives me a smile. I give him a smile back as my stomach turns to butterflies. The butterflies quickly pass when I see the lighter in his hand.

"Tate...please don't tell me you-"

"No I didn't. Sometimes it just helps when I click it on and off. I promise." He flashes me another smile. "Care to get something to eat?"

"Sure, just give me a second to get ready."

"Why? You look perfect now." I look in the mirror, hair messy, baggy clothes. Yeah, perfect alright. I slip into a pair of jeans and a oversized sweater to cover up my scars. I throw my hair into a messy bun and begin to follow Tate to the cafeteria. But he stops midway.

"Why did you put a sweater on? What's wrong with a t-shirt? Its like 30 degrees in here."

"I just...I uh...I prefer this."

"Are you ashamed?" I look down at the floor. Of course I'm ashamed. They are signs of weakness. They are reminders that I couldn't take this world and all of the things it threw at me. That I was truly too weak. And I hated them for it.

"Don't be." He says grabbing the sleeves of my shirt and rolling them up. "Because each of these, show that yes, you faced hard times, but you were strong enough to over come them. You were strong enough to push through it and continue your life. Don't be ashamed of your battle scars. Embrace them." Battle scars are what heroes obtain after they risk their lives for people, not what some teenage girl carries around on her arms, showing that the world is just too much. I am no hero. I am however completely ashamed.

"I just...I can't right now..."

"It takes time." He says rolling down my sleeves and rolling up his. "Come on, lets go eat."

***

Tate decieds on toast with jam and a glass of orange juice. I choose the same. People give us strange looks as we sit down.

"Why are they doing that?" Tate asks me.

"Huh?"

"Why are they starring at us like we're wounded animals?"

"Because I don't have friends here Tate. I don't talk to anyone. I haven't since the day I got here..." I stare down at my toast and casually start to pick the crust off.

"Why?"

"Because...can...can we not talk about this here?"

"No, I want to talk about this here." A long silence passes. I can feel their eyes picking me apart. Tearing my flesh apart. Laughing at my scars. Laughing at my weakness. "Devena, I want to help you."

"Will you just stop!? For once Tate, just goddamn stop! Stop trying to help me or fix me, or whatever the hell you think you're doing! Just fuck off would you!" I get up and throw my plate still full of food in the garbage. I storm back into my room, shove my face in the pillow and cry. I can still feel their eyes on me. Like they're embedded in my body. Clawing away at my innocence. Still picking me apart.

***

Tate comes in moments later. I don't lift my face from the pillow. I don't want him to see me cry.

"Devena, listen I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you." He sits down on my bed and starts rubbing my back. "Here I brought this for you. I let out a deep sign as I begin to sit up. I see a piece of toast in his hand. "I know you're still hungry." He is hands down the hardest person to stay mad at ever. I give him a smile and split the bread in half. Half for me, and half for him.

"So why'd you come back?" I say wiping the tears off of my face.

"I couldn't stand being starred at if you weren't there." I don't know what to say.

"Okay." We both finish our bread before he speaks again.

"Devena, you don't have to tell me."

"I know, but I feel like I should." He pulls me into a hug. A hug that lasts just a little too long, but I don't pull away, even though I know I should.

"Some other time." He whispers into my ear. "When you're ready." He pulls away and places a soft kiss to my forward. "I'll wait." My heart beats out of my chest. My body starts to shake.

"That could be a awfully long time..." I trail off.

"Its okay." He pauses cupping my face in his hand, rubbing his thumb gently over my cheek. "I'd wait forever for you."