Blood Stains and Burn Marks

Chapter 21

"Devena, hey wake up." I awake to Tate's strong grasp upon my arm.

"What?" A groggy expression appears on my face.

"It worked Devena! It actually worked. I have her right between my fingers, hanging by thin strings that I'm well pretend to cut off at any moment."

"Are you sure?" Still dazed from being woken up from such a heavy sleep, the words fall clumsy from his mouth to mine. "How do you know?"

"I had her eating right from my hand. You should of seen her. Like a naïve child thinking that I would ever be inlove with such a cruel hearted monster." Tate rubs his thumb upon my cheek. A gesture that instantly calms me down. "I promise Devena, me, you and that child are going to get out of her alive." He says kneeling over and kissing my forehead. "Now I just need her to tell me the way out."

*****

Tate leaves my room not long after. He says he doesn't want it seeming like he cares too much by staying longer than he already has incase she finds out. He quickly kisses me on the cheek before looking around frantically praying nobody notices. Nobody ever does. I remember watching shows on tv much like this. I remember this one girl on Maury who claimed her husband of 15 years had been cheating on her. Of course he denied it but deep down she knew all along. She said it was the way his touch started to feel. Like even glancing her way had become a sin. Like he had collapsed into himself and just one more brush of her hands on his would set him ablaze, spiraling on a roller coaster that only lead down. She said she stopped touching him. Stop craving his touch. And soon they were just two strangers who had the pleasure of sharing the same bed. I, of course, could never compare to the unimaginable feeling she must of felt. But I for one, can feel Tate slowly slipping away. To the point where I don't even know if he's acting anymore. It's gotten to the point where I don't really think he knows himself.

I use to believe that the things Tate did was for me and other people. But in all reality he did them for himself. He made me feel like I was worth something because he couldn't bare to see something he admired be put to waste. He couldn't stand by and watch something he loved kill itself over something he hated. I'm not so sure if that selfish or selfless but I damn know that half of its only so he can sleep better at night. The worst part is, I trusted him. I laid my heart on my sleeve and handed him the needle, hoping that he'd sew me back up. But I fear that all he's done is pricked me, because every time I see her with him, I feel the needles push farther in. I suppose in a since everyone's selfish. We fix things that aren't necessarily broken, but that aren't the same, just so we won't have to deal with the pain. I remember what Ms.Clarke had told me. That people would rather something ordinary, then to spend time fixing something beautiful. Maybe Tate had been the same way. Maybe I had too.

*****

"Baby, this is it." I must of fallen asleep again because this time when I open my eyes I see Tate unplugging my monitor and slowly pulling my covers down. "It's now or never. I know how to get out." My stomach begins to fill with butterflies. My mind with endless questions. What if we don't get out? Will they kill all of us? Will they spare Tate? Where will we go? What can we do? Where are we gonna live? How can we raise a child when we're still children ourselves?

"Tate..I don't know if I can..."

"What do you mean you don't know!?" His voice has a certain hostility which makes my body cringe.

"I just..how can we raise this child? Maybe it's better this way."

"You seriously think killing an innocent child, OUR innocent child, and you is a good idea!? What part of your fucked up brain are you thinking with!? You're insane if you want to stay here to be slaughtered!" I've never seen him this angry before. Tate's good at giving the disapproving cold shoulder but never such hatred and anger like this. "I go and risk my goddamn life for you and all you can say is 'I don't know if I can Tate'. Seriously! Can you stop being so selfish for once in your life and think about that child! About me!"

"You wanna talk about selfish Tate!? How about the time when you pretended you loved me just so that I'd stop being some pathetic broken piece of shit! Because you couldn't handle the fact that life is shit and everything in it is shit! You think this child will have a good life growing up in a house with two parents that can't even sleep in the same bed anymore!?" Tate's face drops from angry to confused.

"Why wouldn't we sleep in the same bed Devena?"

"Because Tate, I see the way you look at her. You don't even realize you stopped pretending awhile ago. I can't touch you anymore without feeling her presence around you. It's like a bad cold I can't get rid of. I've stopped craving your touch Tate, and I don't want it back...you don't want it back..." Tears begin to stream down my cheeks. By saying the words out loud I finally have grasped the power behind them.

"How can you say that!? How can you sit here and basically say that I don't love you when I've been putting my life on the line for the last few weeks!? You think I would just do that for anyone!?" Tate's voice cracks. Tears begin to fill his own eyes as well.

"No Tate I don't. But I do think that you're someone who hates to see people in shitty situations. And somewhere along the lines you fell in love with someone who wasn't in one."