He's my light VMIN

Chapter Eleven

He was lying on a bed, he didn't remember how he got home let alone how he got into bed. He knew he wouldn't have driven home, he was so thoroughly anti-drunk driving that no matter how drunk he was he would never do that.

He tried to open his eyes, but they were swollen and painful, he forced one eyelid up a crack and groaned as he tried to focus enough on the room around him to identify where he was. It was definitely his room. A few pieces of the broken mirror were stuck in the frame, and reflected small flashes of light as cars passed on the road outside.

His head was killing him, but he pushed the pain aside. The thoughts were screaming at him. 'You are an IDIOT' but he had no idea why. Groping through the cotton wool in his head he tried to piece together the night.

He remembered he had come home from another horrible day at work, wanting to spend some time with his room mates. Tae had been playing his new video game, so Jimin had sat beside him, chattering about the meeting he had with his boss that day. And that's when it all started to go wrong. Tae started by telling him to just shut up for once because all he ever did was talk about stupid things and stupid people, so he had shut his mouth and left the room. Then later in the night while cooking dinner for the house, he had told Kookie to call him Hyung, Kookie laughed saying that calling him Hyung would mean that he actually respected him so it wasn't going to happen.

The last straw had been Tae asking him why he didn't go and hang out with his friends for once.... It broke Jimin's heart.... He had thought he WAS hanging out with his friends...

That had led to his latest episode. The rest of the night came flooding back to him. Flashes of memories flicked through his mind, some skipped past like stones on a pond, others lingered. There was Joon with a girl in his arms, and the big security guard stood over him and made him feel safe, and then someone warm carrying him, smelling so familiar.... like vanilla and chocolate ...

Wait...

Was Tae there?

Did he actually....?

Fuck! He had told Tae he loved him.

The thoughts were deafening, yelling at him about what an idiot he was. His mind went blank. One moment's peace – that's all he had wanted – one moment without feeling like the stupidest person in the world, and the thoughts reminding him of the worthlessness of his life. Couldn't he even have that?

What was he meant to do now?

His bladder answered him, and he realised he would need to get up and head to the bathroom. He got out of bed, and made his way down the hallway. It was nearly 5 in the morning, so the other boy's bedroom doors were closed, and he could hear the music that Kookie used to sleep drifting from under his door.