11 • Here We Are

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Chapter Eleven

❝Ever seen a devil with a halo;

Ever seen an angel with some horns?❞


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El listened.

    "I was raised in a normal enough family," he started, his eyes focused on the sea. "A mom, a dad, two loving kids. If you saw the photos that were framed in the house, it all looked pretty damn perfect. You'll know that was far from the truth."

    "Chase," he began slowly, interlocking his hands, "was born with Asperger's syndrome. You knew that already. As a kid, it was a minor problem — he was just slightly more than the rest. Got angry quickly, cried constantly. Most of the parents wanted their kids to stay away from him, knowing what he was, but aside from that, he just had an intense childhood."

    "As he grew up, things started to change. All the things he was excused for — his daily tantrums, bluntness, insensitivity to certain things — were gone. People started to talk back. He fought harder. Fights happened. It wasn't even his fault — " he took a deep breath, steadying himself. "He was born that way. That's who he is. He shouldn't be harassed for it."

    "I, on the other hand..." he paused. "Who I was, I became by choice."

     And now she was looking at the waves, zoning in on it, as if she could see the memories that were unraveling on the surface of the waters, too.

    "When I was fifteen," his voice quieter, "I started hanging out with the wrong crowd. I'm not sure how I got there, or why, but these things happen, you know? You get so caught up in the moment that you don't even realise what you got yourself into." He licked his lips. "A part of me always knew something was wrong. But I didn't do two shits about it."

    "I drank, got high, partied every school night — name a thing any parent would be scared of, and I'd done it. I did anything they wanted me to, no questions asked."

     He turned silent for a while, and as much as she was dying to know the rest of his story, she knew that what he needed was a listener. So she waited.

    "I started changing, too. Treated people like shit, purposely flunked my classes, and didn't even associate Chase as my brother anymore. I made him feel guilty about himself. That's — I made a lot of bad choices, but that, I regret the most."

    "I know what this sounds like," he choked out. "I'm just another fucked up teenager with fucked up problems, like everybody else. Because that's how it goes nowadays, right? 'Oh, it's just a phase.' Like what we went through doesn't mean anything at all."

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