tease | g.d

16

I glanced over at the alarm clock, which read four am, on a monday morning. I nearly groaned out loud when I saw it, turning onto my side as I stared at the curtain, the small bit of light coming from the street lamp making my bedroom glow the slightest bit.

I couldn't stand losing sleep. One of the most horrible feelings, was laying wide awake, thinking of someone who you couldn't even believe you were thinking about.
I didn't know why, but I laid there, my eyes open as I tried to replay the night I could hardly even remember. All I could think of, was dancing, swaying my hips back and fourth, with Grayson smiling down at me like a fool. It was after that moment, that my mind went blank.

I didn't even know why it bothered me so much, did I want something to happen?
The thought haunted my mind, as I pulled the blanket higher to cover my shoulders, shivering beneath the quilt. My arm draped over my spare pillow, cuddling further into it, however the thought couldn't leave my mind. I just wished it was him laying there, his arms wrapped around me, holding me tight. But that was impossible, he was impossible.

grayson's pov.
4am.

I threw another punch at the punching bag, letting out a grunt as the beads of sweat on my forehead continued to run down my skin. I had one light on in the garage, shining right down against the bag, which I threw yet another punch at, my muscles aching, and my heart racing. Just like my mind.

My vision began to blur as I punched harder, my body feeling weaker and weaker the more I went for it. The thought of me, being stood right there, in place of that punching bag, took over my sight, as I pictured throwing punches at myself. They got even more aggressive, grunts of anger escaping my lips as I knocked the bag to the ground, my hand aching.
I was literally beating myself up over this, mentally, and physically.

With that, I got down on the ground into a push up position, doing one. I carried on going, my arms feeling weak as I thought back to lifting evelyn onto the dresser, my hands roaming all over her body. She was all I could think about, and it was beginning to piss me off beyond belief.
After many push-ups, I fell to the ground, my body weak and tired, as if I could collapse any second. I didn't know if it were the exercise that was draining me, or the thoughts, the questions that I was constantly asking myself.
Why did I lie to her? I didn't know. I let the part of me that I wanted to throw away, get the better of me, and it was tearing me apart.

I didn't want her to think that I was using her.
I didn't want her to feel disappointed in me.
because all i ever seem to do is disappoint.

With the anger inside of me rising, I stood up, kicking at the punching bag which remained laying on the ground, untouched. I deserved all of the things life threw at me, all of the bad.

I had no clue why she was taking over my mind, and it was eating me alive. A girl, whom I thought I hated, was making me feel a way I'd never felt, and I refused to let it get to me. I couldn't let it get to me, as much as a part deep down inside of me, wanted for me to let it break me down, slowly but surely.