I Want More {COMPLETED}

Chapter 35

Beyoncé Giselle Knowles

"Damn, look at her." I stood behind Mani while she held Heaven and the baby picture.

Our entire family was over here, generations on top of generations and I wanted Mani to feel better. I knew her family and mine made her feel so much better so here we are.

Heaven is two months now and the hurt from the miscarriage is still there but Mani is still coping with it. I always put my feelings on the back burner so I kept my focus on Mani and my kids.

"She was so cute." I smiled, kissing her cheek.

"My baby is still cute." She said and my mom walked in the house with Kordei, Julez, and Chas running up the stairs instantly.

"Why are they running?" I asked.

"To play. You got full custody of Chas right?"

"Yes."

"Alright 'cause we just saw Sydney and she thinks I'm stupid, like you don't tell me shit."

"Can we stop talking about her?" Mani asked, patting Heaven's back.

I nodded and kissed her cheek once more.

"Look mommy." I said. I took the picture from Normani and handed it to my mom so she could look at it. Instantly she started to 'aww' and pinch my baby's cheeks.

"She was adorable at birth."

"Luckily she wasn't one of those ugly babies at birth." I chuckled and Mani turned around, handing Heaven to me before she walked off in the direction of her own mother.

"Is she okay?"

"I don't know. She's coping."

"Are you okay?" She asked, putting her hand on my cheek.

As soon as her hand was there, the emotions started to flow. My mom was always the person that could bring any and every emotion out of me, no matter what the occasion was.

"I'm fine mama."

"You lying to me Giselle?"

"No ma'am, I'm okay."

I knew I wasn't okay but now was not the time to be grieving, Normani is taking it much harder and I have to be there for her more than I have to be for myself. He was apart of her and I could only imagine what she was going through in her mind, though it had been two months, that stuff still hurts.

Normani Kordei

I miss you
Every moment of my day
I miss you
Why'd you go away?
Mommy loves you
My body wasn't strong enough
I'll be home soon
We'll get through it, I know it's tough

There's no lying at this point, I was depressed and I don't know what to do. I appreciate the love and support that my family and Beyonce's family was showing me but it just wasn't enough. Is that selfish?

I just felt like there was more that I could have done.

Beyonce and I haven't talked much after getting sole custody of Chas. If it wasn't around the kids, we wouldn't talk as much and I felt as if we were falling apart again. She was still that person that didn't like to discuss her feelings unless it was love. Once love was there, she was all for it but if she was angry or sad, there's no telling her to communicate.

I couldn't blame her, I didn't want to communicate either but I don't want us to fall apart anymore than we already have.

We barely sleep in the same bed anymore and when we do, she's so far away from me. It's like she's scared and that scares me. I'm not used to Beyonce being scared of anything and the fact that she's afraid of her feelings, afraid of me, that hurts.