I Want More {COMPLETED}

Chapter 34

"Do you need me to get the kids?" Dinah asked, she had worry laced all in her voice, her eyes. I wasn't going to sit here and lie and say I wasn't scared or I wasn't worrisome of both Mani and I, mostly Mani. I wanted to know what was going on in her head but I knew I wouldn't be the best person to get in there right now.

She'd miscarried but I would never hold that against her. Her body just wasn't strong enough to carry out another baby.

She told me that she found out that she had a miscarriage soon after the gender reveal. She also told me that she didn't want to tell me because I was in the studio and she didn't want to mess up my creative thinking.

"You want to?" I asked and she nodded, getting all the kids' things before leaving the house with Kordei and Chas behind her.

I went in the room with Normani and she was just sitting down on the bed with a notepad in her hand. She looked at me then looked back down at the pad, writing more stuff down.

I crawled into the bed and held my arms out for her. Instantly, she fell into them, crying even more.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, kissing her head.

I don't know what I felt about the situation. I was hurt but I felt like Normani had more right to be hurt than I do. I don't know how she feels right now but I know I want to make her feel okay, I just don't know how.

We sat there in silence until she started to cry in my shirt. I kept my arms wrapped around her and she cried even louder.

For once in my life, I don't know what to do. I'm speechless, I'm empty. I lost a baby and I felt like it was my fault. I shouldn't have let her feel like I wasn't there, I should've been there for her more than I was.

My entire life had been based on trying not to let her or my kids down and I went and did it anyway.

"I feel worthless."

"You're not worthless, I'm sure he's looking down on us." I consoled and she looked up at me, she hadn't slept in days nor had she eaten. I was afraid that something would happen to her if she kept this up but I didn't have the heart to ask her to do anything or order her around anymore. I was a completely different person.

"I love you." I smiled weakly and she reached down to grab my hand. Her grip was shaky and feeble, non-intentionally.

"I love you too."

Normani Kordei Hamilton

I sat at the dining table with my focus on the small notebook. I had been writing my feelings ever since we'd left the hospital which was about two weeks ago.

I had been writing to the baby, telling him that I love him, telling him that I miss him already.

"Baby." Beyonce walked in the dining room with a plate in her hand and when she sat it in front of me, I pushed it away.

I didn't want to eat and she hadn't asked me to until now. I felt like there were a lot of unspoken feelings and I knew that we were afraid to talk about it. I was so scared.

"Can you please eat?" She asked me but I only shook my head.

After that, we just sat in silence.

I wanted her to touch me, tell me she loves me but right now, I wasn't strong enough to tell her what I wanted, what I needed.

But like she could read my mind, she pulled me over onto her lap and wrapped her arms around me while telling me she loves me.

I don't think she expected anything in return.