Thrust Me Harder

49th Blow

Author's Note: Today's the last day of my vacation leave. 🥺 Nakakabitin pero next year pa kasi yung susunod. 🥺

Anyways, enjoy reading guys!

Thrust Me Harder song of the day: Lips of an Angel by Hinder (request by Yhan-Yhan)

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After settling ourselves to our rooms, we were given ample time to rest. I used the chance to sneak out and head towards the beach. I only wanted to walk on the shore. I don't have the intentions of committing suicide in the cold waters of Jeju.

Up until now, hindi ako makapaniwalang pinatayo ni Tanner yung dream house ko. After all that we've been through, it never slipped my mind that he's capable of these kinds of surprises. Frankly speaking, I find this insane!

I appreciate his efforts but drowning myself with the fact that he did this much, it made me feel unworthy of him. I'm not even sure anymore if what I'm doing right now is right.

He placed me in a compromising position whereas I'm placing my life at a constant danger without even knowing why I should do this. One thing for sure, I can't back out anymore... unless I get myself killed.

And it feels so unfair. Unfair that I wasn't given a choice to do something about it and left me with no choice but to accept the reality that I have to be the royal jade.

That's what I'm so mad about Tanner. Hindi siya nag-iisip. He isn't thinking straight when he joined this group and chose to live his life on the darkest side of the society. Hindi rin siya nag-iisip noong nagpanggap siyang patay na. Mas lalong hindi siya nag-isip noong ginawa niya akong royal jade.

In short, matalinong tanga si Tanner and I hate him for it.

I hate him for not doing what's right. I hate him for sticking on the dark side of life. I hate him for being unwise with his decisions. I hate him for leaving me with no choice.

"Hey Dee!" I turned to my back and saw Anya running towards me. "The boys asked me to accompany you. Naghahanda sila sa may pool area para sa party mo."

Mula sa kinatatayuan namin, tanaw kong aligagang nag-aayos ang mga lalake. Unconsciously, a smile appeared on my lips. I appreciate their efforts.

If there was one thing that I think Tanner should not regret with his decisions, it was this. Nagkaroon siya ng pamilya sa piling ng mga lalakeng 'to. They may banter endlessly, throw death threats to each other every now and then but he couldn't deny me the fact that he found a family with those boys.

"Isn't your hands full with those guys?" I asked her as we stare at those boys who happens to be busy preparing for the party they've been planning before we left Hong Kong.

"They can be such a pain in the ass but they had been like that for too long. I've gotten used to it." Nagkibit-balikat siya na para bang normal na lang sa kanya na makitang nababaliw at nagkakalokohan ang mga kaibigan niya.

"How was it dealing with them? Mahirap ba?"

She turned her attention to the boys, "sa totoo lang, I consider it as a torture."

"If it's a torture, then why don't leave them? Makakahanap ka naman ng desenteng trabaho sa labas ng grupo."

She looked at me then blinked a couple of times. "It never slipped my mind though I wasn't pertaining to the physical torture. Every single day inside the group is a mental and emotional torture." She lowered her gaze and played her feet on the sand. "Gabi-gabi, napapaisip ako kung babalik ba sila sa headquarters ng buo o may kailangan na naman akong operahan sa kanilang lima tuwing magkakaroon sila ng misyon. I know it's a part of their lifestyle but it became a torture on my part noong nagsunod-sunod ang mga gabing nagkakatama sila. One after another."