Thrust Me Harder

14th Blow

Author's Note: I'll start dedicating chapters next time. Hindi pa ako makapaglaan ng oras for that since I'm currently working for a project.

Thrust Me Harder song of the day: Unbreakable by Westlife

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After five bottles of soju, mukhang tinatamaan na ang mga kasama ko including Noelle. Sa kanilang lahat, ako na lang ata ang hindi tinatamaan ng alak. I can't tell if Jionni's drunk too since he's just sitting beside me quietly while the boys are chatting about different things.

"Guys, I think we have to go back." I told them when I noticed that Shing is already starting to dance like a lunatic.

"Ahno kha vah Dee! Lez have fhun!" Napangiwi ako nang marinig ang sinabi ni Noelle. I eyed the other guys and they are already sleeping on the table.

Why did I agreed to drink with them again? If I had just known that it would be troublesome to drink with these guys, I should've drank alone. Noelle being drunk is enough to keep my hands full. Including four other boys will be troublesome.

I eyed Jionni who's hopelessly staring at his friends. "Aren't you going to help them?"

He eyed me, "why should I? Did I instructed them to get drunk like there's no tomorrow?"

Isa pa 'tong lalakeng 'to. Dumadagdag siya sa mga sakit ko sa ulo.

"Keep an eye on them. I'll just call the hotel to send us someone who can drive us back the hotel." I fished out my phone on my pocket and was about to call the hotel when he held my wrist.

"I'll drive us back to the hotel. I just need a few minutes to sober." I saw him fishing out the car key from Yuji's pocket.

"Can you really drive? You're not drunk?"

"I won't offer myself in driving us back if I'm drunk. I'm not suicidal."

Binayaran na namin yung matandang nagtitinda bago namin pinagtulungang ipasok sa sasakyan ang mga lalake. Hindi na nga siya nag-abalang ayusin ang posisyon ng mga kaibigan niyang lalake sa loob ng van. Pagkalapag na pagkalapag niya sa kanila, pinabayaan na niya sila. Nang madala namin si Noelle sa sasakyan, we let her lie down on the chair behind the driver's seat. I removed my coat and placed it on her to serve as her blanket.

I was about to ride on the passenger seat of the van since it's already cold outside the van when he held my hand to stop me.

"Why? It's cold."

He removed his coat then placed it on my shoulders. "Wear mine. I told you earlier that I needed a few minutes to sober."

Medyo namumula pa nga ang pisngi niya kaya tumango ako sa kanya. I asked him to lower down a bit the car windows to let the air flow inside the car before we seated at the nearest bench on the parking area. A distance which is enough where we could still eye them.

"Are you not feeling cold?"

Umiling siya. "I have enough layers of clothes to keep me warm."

We sat beside one another in silence. Wala akong maisip na pwede naming pag-usapan. All I can feel is my body slowly retiring from tiredness. Marami-rami din kaming nagawa ngayong araw at hindi ko mapigilang antukin sa pagod. From the amusement park up to here.

Pero kahit na nakakapagod, I still felt the contentment and happiness. Masarap din pala sa pakiramdam ang mapaligiran ka ng ibang tao. I never really felt such happiness after that tragedy happened.

Nagulat ako nang bigla siyang humiga sa bench at ginawang unan ang hita ko.

"W-What are you doing?" Muntik ko na siyang itulak pababa kung hindi ko lang napigilan ang sarili ko.

"I'm sleepy. I don't want to take the risk of driving while I feel so sleepy. I'll just take a nap." Nilabas niya ang phone niya mula sa bulsa at nakita kong binukan niya ang alarm niya. He set his alarm thirty minutes from the current time. "I'll take a thirty minutes nap. Do you want to sleep too?"

Umiling ako. Walang magbabantay sa mga kasama naming natutulog din sa van kung matutulog din ako kasabay niya. "I can manage. I'll just sleep at the hotel later."

"Okay," he placed his arms on above his eyes and a few minutes later, I could feel his heavy breathing telling me that he had fallen asleep already. I never thought that he's a fast sleeper. Kung ganito nga siya kabilis makatulog, mukhang tama lang na matulog muna siya saglit.

Hindi ko napigilang mapatitig sa mukha niya habang natutulog siya sa hita ko. Hindi ko maiwasang maikumpara siya kay Tanner. Habang nakatitig ako sa kanya ngayon, nakikita ko si Tanner sa kanya but I know that he's not him. Sa mga ganitong pagkakataon, gusto kong papaniwalain ang sarili ko na buhay pa siya pero wala na talaga. Sapat na yung ilang taon akong naghintay at pinapaniwala ang sarili kong babalik pa siya.

"Ji, I'm sorry. Sorry kung nakikita ko sa iyo si Tanner. Alam kong hindi tama. Hindi dapat. Kaso yung puso ko, hindi marunong sumunod. I'm being unfair to you. Ginagamit ko yung presensiya mo para lang hindi ko maramdamang wala na siya. I'm really sorry."

Napatingala ako sa langit at nakita ko ang mga bituin na nagliliwanag sa langit. It's so nice to see the dark sky with stars. It makes me believe that somehow, amidst the darkness, there will always be a glint of light. In every tough time, there will always be a slight pinch of hope.

When my eyes caught a sight of a shooting star, as childish as it may seem, I made me wish too.

"I wish to forget this pain. I don't want to feel the pain anymore. I should've forgiven him the moment he asked for my forgiveness. Hindi ko na lang sana pinairal ang pride ko. Sana pinatawad na lang kita kaagad. Hindi sana mangyayari ang lahat ng iyon sa'yo. It was my fault that you were gone. Sana ako na lang ang nawala at hindi ikaw."

Napayuko ako nang maramdaman ko ang mga malalamig na daliring pumapahid ng luha ko. Jionni's already awake and his cold fingers were wiping away my tears.

"I'm sorry. Did I disturb your sleep?"

He nodded but continued on wiping my tears, "You're noisy. I can't sleep."

"I'm sorry," that was all I can say to him.

Pagkatapos niyang ipahid ang mga luha ko, tumayo na siya at hinawakan ang kamay ko. "Let's head back to the hotel. I can drive now."

While walking back to the car, I asked him, "aren't you even going to ask me why I'm crying?"

"If I'll ask you, can you assure me that it won't hurt you and you will not cry?"

Hindi ako nakasagot sa tanong niya dahil alam ko sa sarili ko kung ano ang sagot.

"See? If asking you will only make you sad, then I choose not to hear it. After all, it's none of my business."

I can only stare at him when I heard his response. Ganun lang siya umasta pero alam kong may tinatago din siyang concern para sa mga taong nasa paligid niya. He's just not showing it. Hindi showy ang lolo mo!

Ang cute!