Persuade Me (Student/Teacher Relationship)

Tough Decisions And Secret Regrets

Standing outside my door, I paused and leaned forward pressing my ear against the door to listen for any sounds from within.

After a few moments and several odd looks from people passing by in the hall I decided it was safe to enter. Walking in, I locked the door behind me and made a beeline for my bed, finally allowing myself to have the meltdown I had been holding back for nearly an hour now.

Allowing my heartache to finally have its freedom.

*                *                      *                      *                      *

I awoke to the sounds of hushed voices whispering worriedly to each other. Trying to focus in on what they were saying I quickly realized it was Ryan and Leslie debating what was wrong with me. Smart people that they were they had obviously concluded whatever it was had to do with myself and James.

“What do you think happened? I haven’t seen her this upset since Scott’s dumbass cheated on her…Even then, though, she didn’t look this bad,” I heard Leslie murmur to Ryan.

“Whatever he did it was bad, and I did warn him not to hurt her…” Ryan growled angrily trailing off at the end.

“You think she’ll be alright?” I could hear the concern lacing Leslie’s voice and was grateful for it even as I wished they hadn’t seen me like this, with my face a puffy and tear streaked mess and my whole being defeated.

There goes my promise to myself to never let another man get the best of me again…I was so pathetic.

Opening my crust covered eyes I took in Ryan and Leslie sitting on her bed parallel to me, heads nearly touching as they continued to converse together about me.

I had to admit I was getting a bit annoyed. I knew they had my best interest at heart but I really just didn’t want to hear or talk about it… I just wanted solitude.

Was that really too much to ask?

Sitting up I pointed to the door with a ‘don’t you dare argue with me’ expression clearly marked on my face and took in their surprised faces at seeing me awake. “Out. I don’t want your pity and I don’t want to talk. Nor do I want to hear you speculate on what may or may not have happened… Please just go,” I was begging by the end.

I saw the indecision clearly written on their face and uttered another “please” making sure to put more strength behind it this time. 

Explanations could come later, right now I just couldn’t be bothered to deal with them.

James’ POV

I sat there wondering if I had done the right thing for the thousandth time since I watched her leave. Since I felt my heart break at the expression on her face as I told her we couldn’t work.

But did I regret it? No.

I couldn’t afford to.  As much as I wanted and needed her we just couldn’t work right now. There was no way.

But damn was I sorry I had let it get this far before common sense bitch slapped me back to reality.  A reality that clearly defined that a professor could not be with his student.

Did I regret sleeping with her? No.

How could I regret the single most exhilarating experience of my life? The one thing that made me feel whole again. Like I wasn’t such a waste of space and someone actually could care about me, maybe even love me. Well someone beyond Clarissa that is.