Okay, this is a little different from my stories. Its a point of view from a guy i wanted to try it. I'm not a guy by the way. I wanted to experiment.
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Drip. Drip. Drip.
A droplet can be a beautiful thing. It can be part of the morning dew, adorning flowers and adding to their loveliness.
A droplet can also be disastrous. A water droplet could be one of billions falling down on a city as part of a flood.
A droplet can tease, dancing around the bottom of a faucet. It can dance, spin, and jest, antagonizing you until you want it to fall.
The droplet can tease until you can't take it, and you beg and plead for it to ease your agony.
And once it finally does, it will crash down when you least expect it, causing a clashing blow to the calm of your life.
~~~~~~~~
What else could I do but smile in Amy's presence? She was always happy, and a joy to be around. She was sweet, kind, caring, absolutely beautiful, and she loved me with all her heart.
I must have been the luckiest guy alive.
She squeezed my hand and gazed into my eyes. Her blues caught the sun's rays and sparkled, illuminating her whole face. It didn't matter that the road ahead was bumpy, all that mattered was that she was happy right here, right now.
Right?
I smiled back. Was it wrong to pretend that everything was okay?
"You look great today." I said.
Laughing, Amy kissed my cheek and said, "As do you."
We began walking back to my house, her arm around my waist and mine around her shoulders. Her face lit up, betraying her happiness.
I was incapable of understanding what she saw in me. She was fantastic, but I was nothing, and would become nothing soon enough.
"So, let's talk." Amy said.
"About what?"
"Anything."
"Anything?" I snickered.
Amy giggled and squeezed my side. "Nothing dirty. We'll save that for another time." With a wink, that topic was eliminated.
Was it wrong that I was disappointed? That was a topic I enjoyed.
But I shouldn't.
Right?
"Alright," I said. "What do you want to talk about?"
"I don't know. I want to get inside your mind," she said. "I want to understand you."
No you don't. "Okay."
"What can you tell me?"
Nothing. "What do you want to know?"
Amy laughed. "Everything! I want to know all I can about you." She wrapped her other arm around me.
This gesture made us stumble. We stopped to laugh, and Amy pushed her brown hair out of her eyes. Again, the blue illuminated her face, and my heart skipped a beat.
I didn't understand why I was getting so worked up. Didn't this make my feelings plain? It must show that I love her.
Right?
Then came that shadow, creeping from the back of my mind. "You can't be with her," it said. "You'll just hurt her."
My heart pounded. "You don't love her," my thoughts teased. "You just love the idea of possessing her."
I squeezed my eyes shut. My mind was a deadly prison of hated thoughts that I wished away. I just wanted to enjoy our time left together.
When I opened my eyes, I met Amy's. She had a quizzical look on her face.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
Me. "Headache," I answered.
She wasn't satisfied with my answer, so she pressed on. "I want to get a glimpse into your mind," she said. "I want to know your thoughts."
No you don't. "Sure, what do you want to know?"
She smiled. "Do you love me?"
I think. "Of course."
"How much?"
Not enough. "With all my heart."
She took my hand in hers. "How often do you think about me?"
Not enough. "All the time."
She giggled. "Do you like boobs or ass?"
Neither. "Both," I laughed.
"Oh, come on," she protested. "You can't say that."
"Why not?"
"Most guys are one or the other."
I'm indecisive about my preference. "Well, I like both."
She sighed. "Fine, you win."
I'm losing more than you know. "Obviously."
Amy let my hand fall, and her eyes shone with curiosity. "I feel like you're hiding something from me."
Of course I am. "No I'm not."
"Are you sure?"
No. "Of course."
"So there's nothing you're not telling me?"
Only that I'm gay.
"No," I wrapped my arms around her. "I love you, Amy."
~~~~~~~~
On Friday night, I stood outside Amy's door in the pouring rain. My drenched hair had fallen onto my face, acting as a shield for what was to come.
I could tell that she knew. The way she acted around me had changed from euphoric to tense. The smile on her face remained, but disappeared from her eyes. She wanted the final droplet to fall. She wanted the suffering to be over.
"Just do it already," my thoughts prompted.
My hand stretched towards the doorbell, but I hesitated.
Was I doing the right thing? Was I sure?
No.
I rang the doorbell anyway.
~~~~~~~~
At school on Monday, I felt different. Instead of the freedom I thought I was gaining, I became confined. I felt like I was locked behind bars; a creature put on display for an audience to gawk at.
Was I that weird? Was I really a monster?
I was reassured by the people who knew, especially Amy. She said she wasn't mad at me.
And there she was, walking in my direction. She looked amazing, curled hair framing her face, and a skinny jeans showing off her legs.
Internally, she was crying. I knew she was trying to pretend that nothing was bothering her, and that she was strong.
I could see that her black-rimmed eyes were puffy, a sign of the sadness I had hoped she would never have to face. Sadness, I promised her, I would never be the cause of.
As our eyes met, a glimmer of the possibilities long gone flashed through her eyes. Then, it disappeared, and tears took its place. As she passed me, she ducked her head, and her tears crashed to the floor.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
