One Shots

Sehnsucht

Sehn·sucht

❝ wistful longing ❞

——

I woke up feeling empty, I don't know why but my heart's kinda heavy today. I forced myself to get up and suddenly a picture on my bed side table caught my attention. I took it and stared for I don't know how long, how the hell did I survived the months that I have been avoiding you? My chest's kinda feel empty and it's aching.

I placed the picture frame at my bed side table. I sighed before I went to the bathroom. I stared at my reflection in the mirror; I can't see my real self. I can't see the guy who will do everything to make things right. All I can see is a guy who's following orders to please everyone.

I saw tears forming in my eyes. This is pain. I had to hold my chest because of the pain I was feeling. This isn't tolerable. I can't tolerate the pain. I had to beg myself to stop crying and convinced myself that it's okay, that we got this. I have to be strong; for her and for myself too.

After doing my routine, I went down and saw my family with her, of course. Everyone's thinking that we're in a relationship, but nah, we're not. Seeing her smiling makes me wonder how she can do that when her bestfriend is suffering?

I sighed while walking downstairs. I try so hard to hide my true feeling, even from those who probably need to know my true feelings the most because I'm scared. I'm scared of what will happen, and I'm scared that I'll be the one to hurt her.

I greeted my parents and my sister and of course, I greeted her. They were so bubbly and yet here I am being gloomy.

"Edward? Are you okay?" My mom asked.

I nodded, "Yup."

"You don't look okay." Laura butted in.

I just shrugged my shoulders and continued on eating. It's better not to say anything and make them wonder why I am not in my usual mood.

"Okay ka lang?"

I nodded. "Yes, May."

She sighed. "Siya nanaman ba?"

I looked at her. "Don't."

She looked away and never said anything. I shook my head and eat the last slice of hotdog on my plate before standing up.

"I'll just go to the garden." I said, they just nodded.

I reached my phone from my pocket and opened my twitter. I made a dummy account to stalk her. Her post suddenly made me smile.

I searched for our fandom, and saw some random tweets. I was stuck on the latest tweet, she deleted the playlist that was for me and her instagrom post for me.

I immediately went to instagram and spotify to confirm what I read. My smile fade away and I felt my chest tightened. She really did it. She's really trying to get rid of me, huh?

I looked up at the sky; to prevent my tears from falling. But, I was wrong. My tears fell even if I'm looking up. I held my chest to calm myself.

"Edward."

"May."

"Bakit ka umiiyak?"

"Nothing."

"Dahil ba sa kay Kisses? Edward, simpleng playlist at picture lang 'yun."

I smiled at her. "That means a lot to me, May."

She shook her head. "Hindi. Hindi naman masakit talaga 'yan, baka 'yung ego mo lang."

I sighed. "Have you ever stared at your reflection a mirror and you saw tears in your eyes and begged yourself not to cry and you got this?" She looked at me like I said something wrong. "And if not, I'll tell you May. That is what you called pain."

Her forehead creased. "Magkaibigan lang turing ni Kisses sa nararamdaman niyo. 'Tsaka hindi niya sinabi sa'yo na gusto ka niya at hindi mo rin sinabi sa kanya na gusto mo siya."

I stood up and tapped her shoulder, "May, there may be things left unsaid between us, it will stays with us forever."

I left Maymay and went upstairs again. I found myself looking again at our picture on my bed side table. I sighed, it's really painful to say goodbye to someone you don't want to let go, but it's more painful to never had the chance to ask someone to stay when you know everyone around you says to leave her alone.

Kirsten, you're making me regret my decision for choosing to be with Maymay. I hope one day we can talk and I'll have the chance to explain to you what happened. For now, I'll set you free but I'm hoping you'll find your way back to me.