One Shots

Fine

"They come rushing back... painful memories we had. So I'm faking a smile; could I ever be the same again?"

--

I sighed again as soon as I read all the tweets about me. When will this stop? I mean, Hello?! I am working for myself and for my family. What's wrong with that?

I was bullied back then, and now? I am still being bullied. I am so tired of this. They have known the other side of the story but why does my side being left out? No one dares to ask me what was wrong? Or even ask me if I was okay?

'Cause you know? I needed love, attention and care. I don’t like loneliness; nobody does. I don’t like rejection; I don’t like acting as my own hero but I had to.. I had to save myself from falling apart. I always lift up myself; to be my own best friend and sometimes my biggest fan... but honestly speaking? I wanted someone to do all of this for me every once in a while.

"Kisses!" Someone pulled me back onto my senses.

"What?" I asked.

"Bakit lutang ka?"

"Huh?"

"Sabi ko, bakit ka lutang? Kanina ka pa tulala."

"Wala 'to, ate Van."

"Hmmm?"

I just smiled at her. And let myself be drowned again with my unsaid thoughts.

I remember my friends.. My friends whom I saw how this fame changes everything. I saw them drifting away from me. But, I stood up on my own and let myself be alone this time and that is something to be proud of.

But, how long I must have to prentend that everything is okay? How long should I pretend that I am fine without them? Without him? Because it is not fine. I am not fine.

I had my own break downs. When I've had enough; when I've been too strong and holding on for too long and suddenly, I can’t just do it anymore.

There were times that I can’t even get out of my bed because my heart was too heavy.. I have been into a situation that I felt like everything I have ever worked for is falling apart and not enough for everyone to see my worth; and I felt like I never known everyone around me since there are camera's around us.

"Kisses, uy. Ano ka ba? Okay ka lang ba talaga?" Ate Van asked.

I nodded. "Yes, ate."

"Hindi pa rin ba kayo okay?"

"Who?"

"Come on, Kisses." Ate Van said. "It's been a month na, bakit hindi pa rin kayo naguusap?"

"Ate Van naman. You know what was my stand about that."

She sighed. "Kisses, alam mong kakampi mo ako diba? But, listen to me, to us, na kailangan mo siyang kausapin. Kailangan niyo magusap."

"For what?" I bitterly asked. "For him to lie again? For him to protect her to me? No, ate Van. I'm done with this."

I stood up and went out to the dressing room. It suffocates me. I should've fun not having this kind of drama.

I needed a break. I needed someone to be there for me; to let me know that I don’t have to do this alone. I needed to feel that it’s okay not to be okay and someone who's willing to extend some help and someone who can say that this issues that they are throwing to me are just nothing to me. But no one tried to saved me from falling apart.

"Can we talk?" Someone asked me as soon as he saw me walking at the studio.

"No." I said and turned my back on him.