One Shots

Heavy

"I'm holding on, why is everything so heavy? Holding on to so much more than I can carry ."

--

I'm looking at her from a far. She's smiling, yes. But not the real smile which I adore so much. When she was about to look at me, I immediately looked at my phone. I don't want her to see me looking at her; she'll think na naaawa ako sakanya.

I was so damn jealous with Christian and Neil because they are free to do whatever they want. They can reply on her without thinking of other fans; raging fans. I can't even stand seeing her being bashed because of me simple because I can't even fight for her or even if I can, she won't let me.

She left the set with Marco. I looked at them; it hurts to see that she's walking away with Marco. It hurts, more than in PBB. Because, here, I knew what was I'm feeling. In PBB house, my head was messy. I sighed and turned my back too.

I saw the crew laughing with Maymay. Lately, Maymay can't make me happy anymore; with her jokes? No. I knew Maymay's falling.. I can't catch her. My heart is for someone already.

I went inside our tent, I choose to scroll on the trending topics in twitter. Who I was kidding? I searched for "Kisses Edward". I saw hate tweets for Kisses. They are telling her to quit showbiz, to stay away from me, that she is not a real friend to Maymay. What the hell?!

Kisses sacrificed a lot for Maymay. No one knows, even the fans. I just heard her and Marco talking about what Kisses did. And now, they throwing such things to her just because they are seeing her happy and contented?

Don't get me wrong, I am not mad with our fans. Of course, I know that they don't know anything but Maymay can do something for this.

"Edward!" Maymay called me.

"What?"

"Problema mo?"

"Can you please tell, MayWards to stop sending hate comments to Kisses."

She raised an eyebrow. "Binabash din naman ako ng mga fans niya ha?"

"What?" I asked. "I can't believe you!"

"Totoo naman ha! Ni hindi mo nga ako maipagtanggol sa kanila!"

"Do you hear yourself?"

"Ako yung loveteam mo pero si Kisses ang pinagtatanggol mo!"

"You know what's the reason, May. Don't make me say it."

"Kaya lumalaki yung ulo ng mga fans ni Kisses."

"May, Kisses is your friend!"

"Inaagaw niya sakin ang pangarap ko!"

"What?!" I was mad as fuck. "She held you like her true sister, but what are you doing? Career over friendship?

"Hindi lang naman 'to para sakin! Para sa pamilya ko!"

"Are you happy?" I asked. "Yeah, you're happy. Having the lead character, everything. But, after all of these? Do you think you'll be happy?"

"Edward tayong dalawa ang gumagawa nito! Hindi lang ako! Ginusto mo din 'to!"

"I did not!" I shouted. "I did not, okay?! I thought you'll be the one who'll tell everyone na, I'm for Kisses! Because from the start, you already knew na I have something for her!"

Maymay was taken aback at what I said. Yes, she fucking knew what was I feeling the first time I saw Kisses. She even shipped me with Kisses.. and Kisses built walls between us, I suddenly felt like she doesn't like me to be her friend so I let go of the thought that I like her. Marco and Maymay knew everything. Marco did everything to make me jealous, and to tell you? YES, I WAS SO FREAKING JEALOUS.

"Ako na yung ka-loveteam mo, sundin mo nalang."

I looked at Maymay. "All of your success now, will be nothing in the future. Trust me, choosing fame over friendship? Nah."

And I left her. I am not happy. Yes, I was so happy because this are blessings from God. But as time goes by, there's something missing in my heart. It was the memories, good times and bad times, from the PBB house. Everything we did for each other feels like nothing now. We have separated ways. Literally, because fandoms were created, fame over friendship or love. I don't know. I thought after PBB it'll be the same, but not it wasn't.

I told myself that if we're outside already, I tell Kisses what I really feel towards her. I thought it will be easier, but I guess it was not made easy. She's being shipped with other guys; there are KissMarc, KissYong, KissNiel, DonKiss and KissEd. Though, I liked the last one.

"Oh, Edward, what are you doing here?" Thou asked me.

"Needed some air."

"Had another row with Maymay?"

I nodded.

"Napapadalas na 'yan ah? Ano ba pinag-aawayan niyo?"

"It's nothing, Thou. Just a misunderstanding."

"Misunderstanding? Is it about Kisses?"

I looked at Thou with a creased forehead.

He laughs. "It wa obvious, Edward. No, what I mean is you're so obvious."

"Ha? Obvious about what?"

"That, you like Kisses." He said. "No, maybe you love her?"

My eyes grew bigger at what he said. He laughs at my reaction.

"I'm sure as hell, I was right." He confidently said. "You love Kisses, 'no?"

I sighed. "Thou, stop please. Someone might hear you."

"Why are you so scared? Diba dapat ipagsigawan mo?"

"If I can, I'm willing to do it. But, Thou I have a loveteam."

"Oh, fuck that loveteam. If you love her, tell her before it's too late."

Thou left me. He's right tho, I see Marco looking at Kisses the way he did looked at Vivoree. God, please tell Kisses to wait for me. I'll fight for her. I'll fight for what I really feel, because my success will be invalid without her by my side.

I looked at my phone, she was my wallpaper. That's the reason why phone has a password. I sighed, I wish I could tell you how much I miss you. 

I checked twitter and went to search bar, ofcourse, I would search for Kisses Edward topic. And as soon as it loads, my jaw dropped at the first tweet I saw.

It was a screenshot for Kisses spotify.. the playlist name was, Ich vermiss Dich auch. Damn. My heart beat was err. Damn. I feel kilig? Yeah. Kilig, shit, this so gay. But, babe, Kisses, Ich vermisse dich.