The REALM OF CRITIQUES

Blood Brother

Author:

@bouncywriter

Cover:

The cover is a pencil drawing. It's pretty creepy. I think it may be nice for a comic book, not so sure if I like it for a story.

Blurb:

The blurb needs a lot of work. It did not draw me in because it was very flat.

Chapter 1:

The beginning of the first chapter starts off rather simple and bland. It does not make me very keen to read on. Spicing it up some would really get a reader hooked.

There is a lot of 'telling' here and not any 'showing'. This tale starts by introducing us to Alex and her baby brother. The narrator mentions that the baby is not like a normal baby, that he never cries or giggles, that he makes no sound when he is alone and that he just sits and does whatever he wants to do. There is no description of the baby's lack of sound or emotion. And I did not understand the 'did whatever he wanted to do' because he is a baby....a baby can't do a lot. So what exactly is happening?

We are later told that what the baby does is think. How does the narrator know this? There is only telling, but zero details to back this up. Then we are told that the baby may be planning something big. How? I need to know some backstory. I need to know more and without details/foreshadowing, I feel like I'm simply reading an outline for a story.

There are many other things that need to be fixed, as well, such as capitalizing names, dividing paragraphs correctly and spelling errors.

It would be a good idea to reread the story and fix up some of the errors I have mentioned before. A little bit of editing will help because somewhere around the middle of the story I began struggling to read on.

Good luck, darkling.