User: Julzie123
Cover: This is a very whimsical yet violent cover. I am actually a fan of hand drawn covers and it is a strong drawing, however I also know this story could potentially catch more interest and casual scrolling readers with a different visual. That is take it or leave it advice since, personally I think this cover image suits the theme of the story.
Blurb: Theia finally made it to 8th grade! After two crappy years of middle school, she hopes to make it her best one yet. With her group of 5 best friends who are always looking out for her, mean girls finally off her back, and a guy friend who's been there for her since 4th grade, she thinks she can conquer the world! But what happens when 4 guys develop feelings for Theia, and they will do whatever it takes to make her theirs. And even then, if he can't have her, no one can.....
This is an interesting blurb since Yandere usually implies the stalker / unstable character is female and here we appear to have a gender reversal of the situation with a reverse harem gone wrong. For the most part, it is a fairly solid blurb by that last sentence is a bit off being a little passive and switching from 'they' to 'he'. It would strengthen the blurb as a whole if you edited to match the previous sentences. 'If they can't have her, no one can...'
First Chapter: This is a solid first chapter. The reader is thrown a lot of names all at once but since these are characters that will appear often, they will have time to sort them. There is also a couple seeds for future thrills planted early on with the mysterious chat message and those creepy texts from the unknown number. The feeling of unease is there for the characters but Theia and Max do come across somewhat dismissive of these texts. A small explanation of these comments happening often in the chat system could add to the characters false sense of security. On an editorial note, this chapter could use another look over to fix grammatical issues but it does well to establish the tone of the story.
VOCÊ ESTÁ LENDO
The REALM OF CRITIQUES
DiversosA reader's first impression is everything. This is your destination for basic critiques to help you find and keep an audience. A member of The Cryptic's High Council will offer their perspective on your cover, blurb and first chapter, including ove...
