The REALM OF CRITIQUES

The Past that Haunts

Username: angelusanimi27

Cover: The first thing that caught my eye was the sticker. Not a criticism, because awards are awesome, but it is does obscure a large chunk of the cover. The image of the cover itself is very professional and has a haunting ethereal tone that really sets the mood of the novel. The figure doesn't keep the title from being understandable and enhances the cover as a whole.

Blurb: Lilith Wardman has had a rough start. At the age of 6, her parents passed away in a tragic auto accident. She was taken in by her grandparents and eventually got back on her feet despite the overwhelming hole in her heart. Anger and sorrow transformed Lilith into a recluse, pushing away friends and loved ones. Leaving what little family she had left, Lilith began her new life in Downtown Manhattan.

Her world is about to turn upside down in a modern game of cat and mouse. For years, unknown friends and enemies have been watching Lilith. Some as means of protection. Others however, are waiting for the right opportunity to strike. Bound by a single promise and with time dwindling fast, her discreet guardians concoct a plan of their own to save her. Love, betrayal and secrets await Lilith. Will she gather the skills she needs for survival? Or will the past come back to bite her?

For a blurb, the action really starts in the second paragraph. The first paragraph is background of your character, details that are likely to come out in the first couple chapters. You could either simplify it to one line or leave it out entirely. The details that are going to catch a reader are in that second paragraph. And those three short lines/paragraphs are very strong and a great hook. 

First Chapter: This was a pretty strong opening chapter. There are some great details sprinkled in that perk up interest right away, like the world is being run by vampires. As it is in the vampire genre it is good to see that element in play right off the bat. 

There were a couple disconnects in the details. It wasn't clear if she had lost power or was going to have her power shut off soon. The line about the mouse/rat is great but it kind of jumps into the paragraph. It does add a nice touch to the quality of her abode. There were a couple instances of rapid subject change that were a little hard to follow but otherwise very smooth and well written. 

Overall the chapter moves pretty steady. Some of the day to day details drag a little but they aren't overlong and the intensity of that ending scene is excellent. There was a great surreal contradiction of action and words between this unknown male holding her trapped while telling her she was "safe". This was quite the intriguing read.