The REALM OF CRITIQUES

Rose Gun

Name: _animeemo84_

Cover: 

The image is nice and simple and goes well with the title. The first letter is clipped off the image however and so it could be hard for some people to read if they see it without knowing the title. Ideally all letters of a title should be clearly visible. Also an author name might be nice to make it look more like a book cover.

Blurb: 

The blurb explains the backstory and sets up the story well in a succinct way. There could be a bit more information about what to expect and the obstacles/challenges the character will face, and maybe a little about the themes or tone of the story. It would be nice to hear a little more about how she deals with returning to her family.

First chapter:

The prologue was a good start, although a little on the short side. It would be nice to spend some time with little Rosey and her family, to see what kind of life and relationship they have, before she is torn away from them. It can be good to slow down and let the reader really feel the moment.

The tense shifted at times, and was somewhat passive (try not to use too many 'was' sentences and 'ing' words), and careful of spelling mistakes. The dialogue worked well enough. Maybe try and picture a little cousin or a friends sister and how they would speak, and the same for picturing an older man you know and what kind of way he would speak, to help add authenticity to the dialogue. Some insights into characters thoughts would be nice, which'll help explain the world and the scene a little more.

The chapter shows a powerful and heartbreaking moment, which is a great way to start a story. Just a little more detail would help to strengthen the impact of the scene. It's a little confusing to have the story as completed, also in the title, and just have a prologue available. Maybe leave a message about that for interested readers? Good luck with the rest of the story!