The REALM OF CRITIQUES

The Devil's Daughter

Author:

@ojclarke

Cover:

It is pretty and it is dark, makes me believe the story will be frightening.

Blurb:

Hooked me from the start. I was very keen to read what dark secret Lilith holds.

Chapter 1:

I am a fan of poems and quotes before the story starts. This one grabbed my attention.

The start of the story is smooth and flows well. It does start by introducing the MC at school and by talking about the students, too,so this jerked me into a YA feel (after reading the blurb I was expecting something a bit more horrorish but it's early days in the story). The descriptions are well done and everything is quite visual...except for Lili. By the middle of the first chapter I feel no connection with her, I can't see her yet.

Though the story starts off well, it begins to lose its strong voice after the middle. It is still good, but...just good. The chat Lili has with the popular girls is rushed, there could have been a much longer conversation and more description about Lili's feelings and what was going on during their conversation. I believe that from when Lili sits in her new classroom till the end need some revision. There should be more detail, make it less rushed.

It would be great too catch a glimpse as to why Lili is such a dark person for at the moment she is just another girl, in a bad mood, finding herself in a new school with popular girls who hurry though their conversation and actions. Yes, I get the feeling that they are probably befriending her to make fun of her or something,but since I still don't have that connection with Lili I can't feel any compassion for her.

The dark feel of the cover and the blurb made be think that this story would be darker. I want a bit more of a thrill at the start. 

Good luck, darkling!