Author: willtran42
Cover:
It's fine. It feels like an image pulled from the web with words plastered over it, though. Nothing too fancy.
Blurb:
It's not enough. One sentence won't engage potential readers to the extent that you'd prefer. Give people something to latch onto, a reason to want to continue reading. Why do we care about Ben? What intresting things happen? I mean, as things stand right now, based off the blurb alone, some people might put this book down thinking it won't be much diffrent than an old Hallmark movie. Readers need a blurb that gives them at least a little more.
Chapter one:
What is cozy-colored? That's a place where more specific detailing could be inserted.
You slip tenses in paragraph four with the word remembered.
Overall, your grammer and punctuation is well executed, and you have good descriptions. However, you're lacking in content. This chapter is simply too short. You spend most of the time giving details but not enough time with action. A reader might be pulled into a book with great descriptions, but they won't stay there if nothing is happening.
Also, I nearly stopped doing this critique all together. If this is a work of dark fiction, which is what we look for, than it must be later in the novel. We normally deny any work that isn't dark fiction, but your book is so lacking in content that I gave you the benifit of the doubt and assumed whatever makes it dark must happen later. Nonetheless, a reader looking for the type of book we promote would be apt to assume this might not fit.
CZYTASZ
The REALM OF CRITIQUES
LosoweA reader's first impression is everything. This is your destination for basic critiques to help you find and keep an audience. A member of The Cryptic's High Council will offer their perspective on your cover, blurb and first chapter, including ove...
