The Demon Records *Cryptic's Choice*

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Name: SomethingsHere 

Cover: The cover is clear and professional in appearance, and the text is easy to read which is always an advantage. However, the tone of this cover does give it a historical fiction vibe. Only a couple tip offs in the blurb told me it was not a historical piece. It is a small thing, but something to consider, not a fault of the cover, but does that image pull in your ideal audience. 

Blurb: Rhein is Death's real name. And he likes all the normal things -- cinnamon nutmeg hot chocolate, the season Autumn, and the state fair. But there is one not-so-normal thing he can't help but be drawn to, and that is Hazel Kingston.

Born in a wealthy part of Boston, little does Hazel know that she is the daughter of a fallen angel and an outcast demon. This makes her special -- a child of darkness and of light. She'll discover what, exactly, that means when she's thrown into a world of demons and angels, dangerous enemies and even more dangerous friends.

There are a couple spots where the phrasing could be smoothed but over all not a bad blurb. Some things to consider: How much does that reveal of Hazel's parentage take away from the twists of your story? Is it something the readers find out quickly or is it played out later in the novel? You could ramp up the mystery of this blurb by nixing the big reveal of her parentage and playing up the mystery of Death's attraction/ Obsession to Hazel, leaving it a big question mark as she is thrown into this work of dangerous friends and enemies.

First Chapter: Other than a couple grammatical snafus, this was a very solid first chapter and the voice is excellent. The humor really drives it home and creates a great introduction to the character with a very subtle hint of something other worldly towards the chapter's end. It is a very enjoyable first chapter that entices the reader to continue without a cliff hanger ending.

Since we also start with Hazel in the first chapter, you might want to consider restructuring your blurb if she is the dominant voice of the story. If she and Death alternate chapters, no bother, but if Hazel's voice features heavily through the beginning chapters, it might work better to have her introduced first in the blurb. 


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