IF ONLY I COULD

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"Shit."

Shit was her chosen profanity after seeing that guy she thought she already had gotten rid of. Incidentally, it was also her favorite cuss word.

Shit.

This was no good. First, she has had drinks and her mouth stinks of alcohol and nicotine from those lips she was kissing. She shivered in disgust at the thought of playing tongue hockey with someone she barely knew. Second, this guy was persistent- no, relentless and commanding. Third, she lost her friends. Great. What a perfect way to fall prey to a lust-motivated, six-foot something bulk of muscles. 

It was kind of funny night. Three hours ago, she was drunk driving after a few swig of vodka in her unit. Thoughts of slamming her car into the concrete barrier crossed her mind, wondering if ever she did and figured herself in the hospital, would Alyssa also take her back?

Dennise would not know. Ella and her best friends were waiting for her here after she called them to let them know what happened in the clinic. Her friends, after knowing that Dennise was already in the highway with a strong resolve, decided to dress up and join her tonight. They just could not let Dennise alone. 

Two hours ago, the boys were following her around. She did not even have to use her tab as offers of company and drinks swarmed her. No one believed her when she said she was a doctor. What was a doctor doing in a place which smells like sweat, cigarette and sex. 

Right, what was I doing here? she began to reflect. She stopped with the nightlife three years ago. She deemed it was pointless anyway. What was I doing here, again? 

An hour ago, she was kissing this guy in between her drinks but that was all about it. She made it clear there was no way he'd have his way between her legs. When was that last time she had sex with a man? Was not Alyssa her first and last? Why was she thinking of her again? 

This is all about her again, isn't it? Dennise let the loud music drown the thought. Who cares.

Sensing the impending danger of getting herself drunk with a man raging with hormones and waiting for the chance to pounce, she started to look for Ella or any familiar face in the crowd. She could not even remember where their table was.

After declining another offer of whatever drink this guy of whatever name she could not remember anymore, she decided to call it a night. She had to drive home, or at least, make her way into her car until one of her friends find her. She was in no function to think clearly. 

"I think I have had enough," Den slurred and forced her legs to push her off her seat. Her world wobbled. She could barely recognize the face of this man but she assumed he was grinning in front of her. He just had that malicious aura around him.

"You cannot just leave me here, doctor."

"Actually, I can."

She managed a few steps away from the man. Her head was no good. Her brain was coiled in a funny way. She did not realize the alcohol already consuming her system until she was on her feet.

"Ihahatid na lang kita, come on."

"No, don't mind." Dennise dismissed while she struggled to move her foot ahead of the other. The leather pumps were not helping at all so she kicked it off her feet. The man happily collected the pair like he was doing Cinderella a favor.

"You are not capable of driving," he insisted hauling Dennise by the waist with one strong arm.

"Fuck off!" Dennise, with the remaining strength she had, grabbed her pumps realizing how much they cost, and sent the man staggering off a good gap between them.

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