castaway | kim taehyung

14. photograph

[ KIM TAEHYUNG ]

Close your eyes, take my time,
let's remember this moment.

"Kim Taehyung."

I look up from my textbook, my gaze hardening at the sight of a guy who has been trapped in my past. I wasn't planning on digging out every single remnant of my past, especially for people like him. It hurt knowing how innocent he was, how oblivious he was to everything that was practically screaming at him. But I guess that's what love does to everyone, it makes you go blind.

"Park Jimin."

I say through gritted teeth, but he courageously takes a seat right across from me at the table. I chuckle bitterly, didn't Soojung encounter Jimin here at the library as well? He places his textbook onto the table, his eyes meeting mine.

"Can we.. talk?"

I purse my lips into a line, hesitating, but he still had that same oblivious and innocent look on his face. Was he really that dense? Even though Jimin had an innocent soul, he was selfish as well. When the whole soulmate concept is in your favor, you're extremely satisfied and distracted by the fact that you're not a glitch, and such disease isn't related to you in anyway.

But it is. While you're being distracted by your own soulmate and by the fact that the whole fixed world we live in is in your favor, you would automatically think that you're not hurting anyone in the process. And the perfect example to exhibit this is none other than-

"What is there to talk about, Jimin?"

"About you and Seolhyun."

➵ ➵➵

I remember the first time I threw up petunia petals. I remember it so vividly.

Seolhyun and I were almost eleven months into the relationship, and we were almost reaching our first year of dating. She was someone I had pictured myself being with for so long. She was a complete goddess, she knew how to party, how to work her charms in order to get whatever she wanted.. including me. But she also knew how to focus in class, achieve grades and goals whenever she wanted because she was smart.

The only problem was that I didn't deserve her. I didn't deserve anything about her. In fact, I was the one who was imperfect out of the two of us. While we could party together, I was the one who didn't care about my 11AM lecture the following day. I was the one who didn't care about my failing grades that my parents were very much aware of.

And yet, I was the only one giving her everything she wanted, I was the only one who was loving her to the fullest. Sometimes, I wonder if it was ever enough.

The first time I threw up petunia petals was on a gloomy day, the skies were covered in grey clouds and the scattered showers were keeping everyone from going outside. But here we were, taking a walk in the park, hand in hand, underneath an umbrella that we both shared.

She looked like she was flooded and occupied with thoughts. She would immediately avoid eye contact whenever I would look at her. She would retreat herself away from me after I would lean in to peck her cheek.

"Is there something wrong? You've been so quiet all day."

She suddenly stops in her tracks, and I glance at her worriedly. She grew pale, her eyes beginning to water and glaze. I tilt my head in confusion, while she hesitated to speak.

"I found out who my soulmate is, Taehyung."

I smile from ear to ear, reaching out to grab her but she instantly takes a step away from me. I frown, watching her as she begins to fiddle with her fingers. I reach out once again, but she flinches.