[ PARK SOOJUNG ]
They'll just never get it, won't they?
It's a bittersweet feeling to have when your soulmate who you're destined to be with, will be the one person who will cause all of your feelings to disappear. Even if you were against it. Even if it wasn't your choice. Why? Because your soulmate is just not meant for you, and you're bound to find out yourself. You're just a glitch, a huge mistake that can't be fixed because you're just.. you.
Sometimes, being a glitch feels illegal. Almost as if I'm committing a crime for loving someone, for having feelings of love, for loving someone who will never love me back. But I guess, in the end of it all, us as glitches will all be punished for innocence, for breaking the 'laws of love' in this fixed world.
"So, basically, you have no idea who your soulmate is."
Taehyung takes a bite out of his sandwich, and I nod my head.
"And you're basically playing a game of marco polo or hot and cold until you find out who your soulmate truly is."
I take a swig of my water before placing it down onto the table. Jungkook shrugs his shoulders, then throws his arm over mine. I groan in pain as he puts me in a headlock. Taehyung only giggles at Jungkook's gestures.
"And right after that you're going to have permanent surgery? Are you not going to try and maybe see if he'll actually love you back?"
I sigh, pushing Jungkook's arm away. I place my hands back onto the picnic table as the two of them stare me down.
"Nope. That's the whole point of the permanent surgery, to take away all the pain and the suffering. The only problem is that I'll be never to feel feelings ever again."
Jungkook and I glance at Taehyung, who looks just as serious. He places his sandwich onto the paper plates as he wipes his mouth with a napkin as if he was going to present to a whole classroom a lesson of love and glitches.
"I know a few glitches who have gone through permanent surgery, some of them have met their soulmate, some haven't. But both of my friends have fallen in love again, just not with their soulmate. It's almost like a reincarnation of feelings, of love."
"And you're expecting me to fall in love again after deciding to permanently stop loving someone who I was supposed to be with?"
"Now that remains a mystery that only you can solve."
Taehyung mumbles, taking one last bite out of his sandwich. But for a split second, I can feel my lungs clench at the sight, the same familiar feelings prior to releasing rose petals. It's almost as if the air has been knocked out of my lungs just for a second, and I was breathing again.
And that's when Taehyung looks at me, his eyes meeting mine, and I could only manage to choke out into coughs and heaves. Jungkook glances at me with a worried expression, but I wave him off, grabbing my water and chugging it down.
Slamming the bottle back down onto the table, I stand up almost immediately, clenching my chest as my eyes wander to search for the nearest hidden spot on campgrounds. Taehyung gives me a knowing look as he grabs my arm, pulling me to wherever place was safe to hide.
As we reach a forest away from the others, I hid behind a tree and stood over, bending down to my knees. I feel the rose petals threatening to come out of my lungs, and right before Taehyung could approach me, the petals scattered all around the grass. As he approaches me, he hesitates, his eyes staring at the petals in awe. I cough, gasping for air, the feeling of drowning being the only thing that seems to replace whatever feelings of love I have settled within my heart.
Meanwhile, Taehyung reaches down and grabs a petal before examining in closely in the palm of his hands. I cough even more, and when the petals have stopped, I feel myself collapse onto the grass, my eyes looking up at him.
I shouldn't have looked into those eyes. I only feel defeated.
Now you remain as a mystery that only I can solve. But I can't.
"Are you sure Jungkook is not your soulmate?"
He hands me a hot thermos that was filled with green tea since last night. I gulp down almost every single drop of the tea before handing it back to him. I shake my head in reply, and he raises his eyebrows out of curiosity.
"If Jungkook was my soulmate, I'd be dead by now."
"Shit, then I wouldn't have attended your funeral either because I probably wouldn't have gotten to know you more."
[ KIM TAEHYUNG ]
"An unknown guest."
I look down at her, as she stares off and falls into a deep trance. Her eyes are settled on the petals that are painfully beautiful, scattered all around her. I let go of the petal that was in my hands and watched it as it fell to the ground.
"He's nothing but an unknown guest. Someone I probably know, someone who's already stepped into my life.. but is still deemed as unknown to me."
"Well, on the bright side, being glitches isn't bad at all because in the end, we can get rid of these feelings that are fucking our lives up. I guess it's just a matter of accepting the person who's causing all this shit, unless you just want to get it over with and permanently remove them."
Have you ever wondered how love feels like?
How it feels to be loved? Because I do.
She was nothing else but a dangerous woman. But even glitches like me would take all the blame for it. I would take all the blame for falling in love with her even if she belongs to someone else. I would take all the blame for knowing the fact that I didn't belong to anyone, and yet, I still forced myself to try to belong.
Min Seolhyun. Suspect #1.
Love sucks. Love kills. Everyone knew that. From every glitch to every perfect person in this fixed world, they knew that while they're falling in love with their soulmate, they're hurting another.
Love sucks, indeed, especially when you're fixed to love someone who's destined to love you back. It sucks even more knowing the fact that all the fun and joy of getting to know that special person will be taken away because you already know who that person is the moment your eyes lay upon them.
Love kills, because while you're falling in love with your soulmate, you are proclaimed as selfish. Why? Because while you choose to fall in love with your soulmate, you also choose to kill feelings a glitch could possibly have for you. On top of that, you're tearing them away from trying to belong and fit in just like everyone else.
And so you ask me.
Why is it so hard for you to move on?
Why is it so hard for you to fall in love?
I wish I knew the answer. I wish I knew how to move on, how to fall in love, how to stop having such attachments to someone I'm not meant to be with in the end. Even if it'll hurt. But it's always that hope that's keeping me alive, keeping me sane, that maybe someday, someone will make me feel safe. Maybe someday, someone will come around and be able to love me without boundaries, without any law.
Park Soojung. Victim #1
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castaway | kim taehyungFanfiction
"Why do you keep throwing up rose petals?" [ hanahaki disease and college!au taehyung ] ♡ first of the soulmate series © nochuus 2017 all rights reserved