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There was nothing more painful than having two large scars travelling from your chest to your lower sides. It was as if your lungs were ripped out of your chest, and all its contents were emptied out like prescription bottles. And when the bottles are finally empty, they are shoved back into your body as if nothing had happened. Though the scars will remain on your skin forever, the feelings are what disappear. They are stripped from you.

But it's when the pain starts to rush in right after, it's a brand new sensation that you would've never felt in your whole entire life. It's the pain that's filled with the mixture of guilt, sorrow, and ache - even heartache - is what comes rushing in because of your own decisions.

But your own decisions are based on your emotions, what you want, what you think will make you happy.. based on love.

And you ask me, does it hurt after it all?

My phone illuminates the room, and I could only roll over onto my side, still wincing in pain as the scar starts to throb. Unlocking my phone, my eyes wince at the high brightness, immediately turning it down only to see that I got a new set of text messages.

kim taehyung: can we talk?
sent: 1:19 AM

kim taehyung: i really need to talk to you.
sent: 1:19 AM

kim taehyung: i know that you probably fucking hate me right now.
sent: 1:20 AM

kim taehyung: but you just have to hear me out, i was never meant to hurt you.
sent: 1:21 AM

kim taehyung: please.
sent: 1:22 AM

I sigh for the nth time, grudgingly placing my phone back onto my bedside table. I roll onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. There was no turning back, especially when you've moved on.

"Is what they all say is true? That they lose all of their feelings and emotions?"

"Well, Soojung-ssi, you're most likely to lose feelings for your soulmate. But there are different exceptions and special cases where that doesn't happen, it all depends on each individual."

"Would you consider me different? Would you consider me as a special case?"

"Well, your soulmate is a glitch.. therefore, I wouldn't be surprised if you were a special case even after this operation."

I rub my temples, before turning my body over so that my face was buried into my pillow. I let out a loud frustrating sigh, before picking up my phone from the table to see a few missed calls from the same person. I roll my eyes, slamming my phone back onto the bedside table.

➵ ➵ ➵

She really isn't going to talk to me, isn't she? I sat on my bed cross-legged, with my eyes staring straight at the screen of my phone, my fingers typing away. I sigh, falling backwards onto my bed, still staring at the screen. I feel a wave of pain on my left side from my scar.

to: soojung
there are a lot of things i want to tell you..

to: soojung
there are a lot of things i want to |

to: soojung

there are a |

to: soojung
remember when you promised me to be there for me after i undergo operation?

to: soojung

remember when you promised me to be there for me after i |

to: soojung
remember when you promised me to be there for me |

to: soojung
remember when you promised me |

to: soojung
remember when |

I groan, closing my eyes as I let out another sigh. Whenever it comes to someone that means so much to you, almost every single thing you have in mind, every thought you have of them, becomes so difficult to express in words. I slowly open my eyes.

to: soojung
because you don't need to.. not anymore

to: soojung
because you don't need to |

to: soojung
because you don't |

to: soojung
because |

to: soojung
because.. i already did it.. for you.. for us.
because that's how much i'm in love with you.

I bite my lip nervously, my finger hovering the send button, my heartbeat picking up its pace. Just do it. Just do it, god damn it. Without thinking twice, I immediately tap send before seeing the blue speech bubble send out into our conversation. I sigh, holding my phone to my chest before my phone vibrates a few seconds after. I glance at my phone, my eyes widening, but my smile could only falter from there.

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